Another old Facebook Note, August 11, 2010 at 3:12pm

So Kris what makes the diet or lifestyle change really work this time.
It is really could be any number of things that are hard to pinpoint. It seems like an easy enough question to answer but in all actuality I have struggled for so long to get my health under control that it truly is remarkable.
A big turning point for me this time was that I finally had someone looking for answers with me. The chronic pain that I had been fighting for years the lack of energy the inability to do anything, someone was finally willing to listen to me and treat me as a whole person.
Imagine that. Treating someone as a whole person not just looking at them and diagnosing from preconceptions. Big city medicine.
I know I have a form of an eating disorder. I have had food issues forever, but overeating wasn’t my problem. I fear food. So having doctors that are now willing to listen to me talk about my eating habits and can tell me that certain things are my stumbling blocks are amazing, but really it’s been a pretty solitary journey to find what works for me.
The food journaling is amazing. That has been one of the biggest things that has made things stick this time. I am holding myself to a higher standard. I make myself record everything before I eat, mostly because if I don’t I worry I will forget.

I would be a liar if I didn’t say that there wasn’t a vanity component to wanting to lose weight. I was getting too big. I knew I looked awful. But I think the biggest tipping point was I was truly tired of feeling as though I wad entombed in my body.

Do you know what it is like to feel trapped in your own body? To feel like you have been sentenced to death but you have to spend the time until you die in this body that you can’t do anything in.

I wanted to live, in the last five years a lot of things have changed in my life. I am not the same person I was when I moved from PA. I had watched so much of my life pass by for so long. Even though I am so young I had missed so much.

So I started with tiny goals in mind, I figured like all other things I would fail, but what I wanted was to feel better! So physical therapy counted as exercise, since I had never done much working out and baby-steps

I still don’t actually believe I am doing it. Can you believe that? Here I am doing it, doing it well but I still have a hard time with it.

I follow a lot of blogs to keep me inspired, or catch tips and tricks, but apparently I am the person people want to hear from now.

As the days have passed with calorie tracking and working out it has gotten easier. I find it easier to workout alone, which is almost sad. While I like company at the gym I get a better workout alone. I can push myself just a bit more and focus just a but deeper when I am really intense.

I have discovered that I LOVE exercise. Who knew? It’s a serious rush! I crave the burn from the machines the swear dripping down my neck. I love the cool water if the pool the rush if the water as it rushes past me in the pool and the long stretch in the muscles as I stretch out into yoga poses after my workouts. So success is finding exercise that you love! I adore the elliptical and the pool sooo much. The bike is fun too and walking isn’t bad either.

I am not used to my body yet. It’s like a new friend you just aren’t quite sure what you can do. You get surprised from time to time. My hip bones poke out now when I lay down even though I still have a fat tummy.

I need to learn to embrace my changing body. That is a truly difficult task. I don’t know how that is going to go.

I do have a really good support system thus time. That helps. Robb is wonderful he has just been so amazing. His family has also been incredible. My family has been great too. I’ve been getting support from places and people I never knew would give support before.

I find as my… I want to call it power level but whatever it is rises I am drawing more support more strength. The quality of the support is getting better as I improve as well.

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