“Does the person create the journey, or does the journey create the person?”
This is what I heard as I clicked into the watch longer ad instead of more commercials before digging into some shows on Hulu. Do they target me with their adverts? Okay that is a silly question, of course they do that is why they have them. This line however struck a chord with me.
I have been trying my entire life to lose weight, to become this thinner person. I focused on the wrong thing. I wanted to be SKINNY, why? I wanted to be like everyone else, buy nice clothes, shop in regular stores, not be the outcast, and for the love of all else to never hear again… “You have such a pretty face, if only you lost the weight!” That journey died when I started on this one, or rather transformed into something new.
The path I am on now was simply to get healthy. Yes, I would love to be thin, and I will someday be able to shop in normal stores, but realistically I have come to embrace my body type. I am wide-hipped built for child-bearing which will not be happening. This journey was to find my health. Find the healthy person that was inside me.
So here I am, on a new path with similar goals, eyes on smaller jeans. I have a pair of jeans in my closet marked as “goal.” I do not know how long it will take me to get into them as I have not been the size they are since I was probably 8 years old. I know I am not the same person that I was when I started the this ball rolling.
I have changed, outside obviously. You don’t shed 130 pounds, and not change outside, but I have changed inside. I am learning to grow, accept, and even forgive some of the things from my past that have caused so much pain. Working past on my own on a few things. So did my journey change me? I think so.
My journey still being created. I, like my journey, am fluid. Ever-changing. Did I create my journey? I am not really sure. I think as I move on, hand in hand my journey and I create each other.