So that is all it took. Something as simple as Break and bake Oatmeal Raisin cookies were all it took tonight to send me into tears. I had been fighting off the bah-humbugs and the grinchie-ness of the holidays the last week or so. I started feeling a little bit better. Tonight I plugged in the USB Christmas tree. We can’t have a real tree and live in a tiny studio apartment, plus we are geeky nerds who play way too many video game not to have something powered and glowing hanging out there.
A few days ago I bought a pack of Oatmeal cookies and tossed them in the fridge. Just incase I needed something to bring to work or whatever. Not likely to happen, or if Robb wanted some warm cookies, or heaven forbid I did. Its okay! I count calories, as long as I am within my range 1200-1500 a day I am golden! So tonight after we exchanged our Christmas presents (yes its early but we are both on call for the next 2 days) I decided I wanted to bake those cookies off.
Standing in the kitchen over the cookie sheet looking I welled up with tears. This is the first Christmas without grandpop. I had kind of been blocking it out. I thought about him at Thanksgiving when I made his famous bacon stuffing. Oatmeal cookies were always his favorite. I used to sneak a few into a baggie and take them to him after the holidays when we would do the family party.
I lost a lot of things this last year. Family members and friends through death and other things. I have lost weight and emotional baggage and sadly gained a bit too. There is a lot of reflecting that is going to happen in the next week I think. I know I need to sit down and focus on the good that came out of the last year. My new friends, my accomplishments, all the amazing things I learned. But just for today I am going to focus on the fact that tonight after dinner is done and the dishes are washed, I will honor my grandfather’s memory with an oatmeal cookie and some almond milk. Not because I am emotionally eating. That isn’t my thing. I will savor the bite that takes me back to a childhood that I wish I could remember.