Break and Bake my Heart

Oatmeal Cookies

Image by jugglerpm via Flickr

So that is all it took.  Something as simple as Break and bake Oatmeal Raisin cookies were all it took tonight to send me into tears.  I had been fighting off the bah-humbugs and the grinchie-ness of the holidays the last week or so.  I started feeling a little bit better.  Tonight I plugged in the USB Christmas tree.  We can’t have a real tree and live in a tiny studio apartment, plus we are geeky nerds who play way too many video game not to have something powered and glowing hanging out there. 

A few days ago I bought a pack of Oatmeal cookies and tossed them in the fridge.  Just incase I needed something to bring to work or whatever.  Not likely to happen, or if Robb wanted some warm cookies, or heaven forbid I did.  Its okay! I count calories, as long as I am within my range 1200-1500 a day I am golden! So tonight after we exchanged our Christmas presents (yes its early but we are both on call for the next 2 days) I decided I wanted to bake those cookies off. 

Standing in the kitchen over the cookie sheet looking I welled up with tears.  This is the first Christmas without grandpop.  I had kind of been blocking it out.  I thought about him at Thanksgiving when I made his famous bacon stuffing.  Oatmeal cookies were always his favorite.  I used to sneak a few into a baggie and take them to him after the holidays when we would do the family party. 

I lost a lot of things this last year.  Family members and friends through death and other things.  I have lost weight and emotional baggage and sadly gained a bit too.  There is a lot of reflecting that is going to happen in the next week I think.  I know I need to sit down and focus on the good that came out of the last year.  My new friends, my accomplishments, all the amazing things I learned.  But just for today I am going to focus on the fact that tonight after dinner is done and the dishes are washed, I will honor my grandfather’s memory with an oatmeal cookie and some almond milk.  Not because I am emotionally eating.  That isn’t my thing.  I will savor the bite that takes me back to a childhood that I wish I could remember.

2 thoughts on “Break and Bake my Heart

  1. I hope the holidays bring you good cheer. It’s a time to remember those that we have lost, but enjoy those that we are with. Happy Holidays! Thanks for all the support you give me!!!

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