So last night I came home from the gym, after only doing water aerobics not any kind of crazy workout marathon like I had done Monday and Wednesday.  Not beating myself up.  Any working out for me is a step in the right direction.  4 days at the gym is a perfect week for me. 

I sat on the bed thinking… okay, 153 pounds are gone now… 150…. 150. It is time. I grabbed bags from under the sink and started stuffing all the 4xl shirts that I had piled in the closet into the bags, and the 3xl shirts into the bag.  Fighting back tears as I said See Ya! Fuck You! I will NEVER be that big again as I got rid of each shirt.  Robb joined in and helped me toss the last of them away, up until the last shirt with I balled up and slammed in like I was a Champion… oh wait I AM ONE!!!

I was going to wait to do the pants… because it was a big undertaking to get to them… but about an hour later Robb needed to get to the spot where they were so guess what… It was time. 

We tossed all the pants on the floor… the pile was HUGE.  My god, there were still tags on some of the size 30’s.  How liberating, yet depressing.  I mean, the money I wasted because when I bought those pants with the tags still on them… they were too small for me.  Now they are too big! So I grabbed more bags and stuffed them full of pants… I grabbed the biggest pair out of the pile and set them off to the side.  You always see those photos in the commercials… I lost X-Pounds in Y-Days.  You also see the photos of someone standing in just one leg of their pants, well…

There I am… The photo does NO justice to the amount of room there is in those pants.  I really wanted to cry when I put them on and could fold the material around me.  I still have a ways to go.  I am sitting at 275 pounds, I WILL get smaller, but those pants are going to stay tucked into my closet a reminder of how far I have come.

The purge was liberating.  I feel secure having let go of the clothes that have now been too big for me for a year.  Now I just need to focus on rebuilding my wardrobe a few pieces at a time, but just not blowing a lot of money because I am still shrinking.  Luckily just before Christmas I caught a sale at Old Navy and snagged a few long sleeve shirts for $5.00 a piece! My god, clothes that fit for that price… A-MAZ-ING! 

I struggle to see how much weight I have lost.  I struggle with the concept of just how much 150 pounds is.  Every once in a while it hits me, as I struggle to dead lift a 65lb box at work into my car just how much that is, and that I have lost more than two of those, and that I had more than TWO of those on my body… HOW could I have that on my body and still move?  That is just incredible.  I don’t know how I did it.  Do you have a way that helps you visualise how far you have come?  How do you track your progress?

Now if only I could find the pair of size 16 first Goal Pants that I bought a while back, I think I may be getting close to fitting into them.

5 thoughts on “iPurge!

  1. I loved this post – I felt right there with you as you purged the big clothes! I have been purging my large clothes too – gradually, by selling some items on eBay (gotta replace my wardrobe somehow), and donating. I am getting more used to it, but early on I wondered how something could be so scary yet so liberating at the same time?

    I love the progress photo. I haven’t done one of those either… I still have a very hard time appreciating photos of myself; I am always much more comfortable behind the lens. Maybe I will have the guts come spring. You inspire me – 153 is AMAZING. You have so much to be proud of. 🙂

  2. Lady, that is amazing. Doing the closet purge is wonderful
    and hard and inspiring all at once. Sometimes when I’m on the
    treadmill (a la your 65 lb lifting moment), I try to think about
    the weight I’ve lost and am like, “How on earth did I live life
    with another person strapped to my back?”

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