Where Have You Been?

And with a flash and come glitter the curtain lifted and I stepped to center stage.  My name is Kris and I have not fallen off the face of the earth.  For those of you that don’t follow me on Twitter, I spent last week sick.  I caught the flu that is apparently running around Minnesota this year and crawled into bed for the week.  Progresso soups, Vitamin Water Zero and Trop 50 juice were my friends.  Yes I could eat real food and did here and there, but who wants real food when you feel lousy.  Anything I did left me with no energy and in need of a nap.  So the gym took a backseat but I did keep to tracking my food. 

So Monday it was back to the gym! I want to jump back in headfirst for a full body killing workout. This will undoubtably end in disaster so I have opted to smartly ease back into workouts now that I feel back to normal.  Water aerobics it is.  Class intensity is decided by the participant.  So I can work out as hard as I want in the water.  Everyone was so happy to see me.  My teacher Margaret even sent me an email asking how I was.  (Hi Margaret!!!) I love my class! Everyone is great! 

Todays class was great too and actually led me to something amazing.  One of the women in the class has just returned from having a baby.  It is always so wonderful to see someone come back after having a baby, or going through something.  We chatted off and on thru class.  Tuesdays class is pretty involved, we do a mix of deep water jogging and exercises and even swimming laps so conversations are sometimes scattered. 

It was nice talking to her, we talked a little about how cold it has been.  I mentioned about how I have lost my insulation this year.  (I REALLY felt it today.  It was bone chillingly cold as I pumped gas into my car.) I talked about how I now run around in fleece pants and long sleeves at home where before it would be shorts and a tank top with the window open this time of year.

When we got to the lockers after class we chatted about dry winter skin, and how lotion is greasy.  She had forgotten to grab her suit and threw on her Snowboots while in her underthings and went to get it.  I laughed and said it was one heck of a look and said you need to rock that look! You can pull anything off as long as you are confident right?  She had the baby in late December. 

Having never had a child I don’t know what it is like to try to get a body back after having a baby, but I do know what it is like to try to get it back after… well-being over 400 pounds! She mentioned not being able to fit into the jeans that she had wanted to wear and I said she would get into them before she knew it. There it was, I knew she could do it. 

We started talking about small-clothes, I explained how excited I was to have zipped up a pair of size 16’s last week! Granted I muffintop on them, but they feel good on and sadly I think the way I am shaped I will forever muffin top but I digress.  I talked about how expensive it is to have to buy new clothes but how worth it it is. We conversed a little bit about where I had come from on my journey, and as I spoke another woman in the locker room came over to the bench where my bag was placed. 

She wanted to hear my story too.  They both had questions like… How did you decide to do it? What do you do to stay committed? and really… I was okay with it. 

So what? I have a blog, I talk to people on twitter all the time about weight-loss right?  This was different.  These were people who did not start out with a predisposition knowing how HUGE I was to start out with.  These were not people that I would have labeled safe.  I am always a little afraid to put myself out there with people who I don’t know, more so when I have to talk about myself in any capacity. 

There is such a stigma attached to being overweight in this country that I really think people look at me and think I am lazy.  Tonight I felt SO EMPOWERED talking to these women.  They looked at me and genuinely wanted to hear about my journey.  It was… AMAZING.

I felt GOOD about myself.  That is something that I have to say I struggle with. I left the YWCA with my head held high and a smile on my face.  I had shared things about myself with strangers one whom had just overheard what I had to say and wanted to know more. I had been supported.

So tonight I once again learned that I really am doing something amazing.  I am changing my life, and while I belittle the change in my head pretty much every day, I have changed my life.  I have saved my life.  I learned that you don’t have to have had a weight problem to know that what I am doing is a big deal.  You don’t have to have struggled with a weight problem to support someone.  You don’t have to be what I would consider safe to want to hear my story but if you want to hear it I share!  You also don’t have to hear it if you choose not to (but that I knew).

5 thoughts on “Where Have You Been?

  1. I’m glad that your feeling better! I know the flu can really take it out of you.
    It’s amazing how just talking about your experience can make you feel so amazing. You have come along way and I think it’s great that you can share your story with others. I’m sure many people would love to hear it.

  2. Kris – I am SO happy to read your insight about sharing your story. Losing weight is such a personal and private thing, only your outward appearance is visable to everyone!! I’m glad you felt comfortable sharing your story, it’s an important step in moving forward with your journey. To know where you have been!!! So proud of you!!!

  3. Kris, I’m glad you felt what many of already see. When a person feels good and in their element a confidence comes about that is undeniable. They may not know where you’ve been, but by the way you were talking . . . They know where you’re headed!

  4. I understand your feelings about sharing this part of yourself. I am the same way. I am so embarrassed by the person I was, and I have yet to forgive myself for letting myself get to that point. For that reason, I think, sharing become VERY difficult for me, especially with people I don’t know or trust. It took great courage to speak so openly, and that just gives you another moment to tack on your wall of successes! I am so looking forward to meeting you, and hearing more of your story. Good on you, girl! 🙂

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