The last few weeks I have felt like I am not making any progress with my weight loss. Back on January 4, 2011 I weighed in at the doctor’s office at 275 pounds. It matched my home scale in a strange turn of events. Here we are 7 weeks later and I am sitting just under 264 pounds. That isn’t so bad right? Progress in the right direction right? I should be jumping up and down thrilled with this, right?
So why do I feel like I am failing. I have been mulling over this for a few days. I didn’t want to share these thoughts with you all. I didn’t want to share that I am feeling like I am not good enough, but honestly that is how I feel. After having an amazing year where I was shedding so much weight so quickly this slowed loss is, disappointing.
So tonight as I worked out in the pool, I focused on myself. There were only 3 people in class. My usual chatter-mates were not there. I pushed my body hard and concentrated on why I felt the way I did. I thought about my daily and weekly schedule. I though about what my life used to be like. I thought about what I wanted my life to become.
Intellectually I know that I cannot sustain a weight loss of 3 or 4 pounds a week. When I started off at 400+ pounds it was expected for the weight to come off at a quicker rate. So now I am eating less than I was then, working out waaaaaaay more than I was then. The weight should still come off as fast! uhh no Kris, get a grip!!!
So I push a little further into my head. Perhaps a few too many viewing of one of my favorite movies “But I’m a Cheerleader” have left me telling myself I must find my root. Not the root to all my problems, if only right? But the root to why I feel that I am not making any progress when I am still moving along my path.
In the sauna after my swim I let the heat embrace my body. Relaxing my muscles, chasing away my tensions, still searching out my root. I thought about how the first time I ever opened the door to the sauna it was too hot and I could not imagine anyone ever enjoying that heat. It got crowded I was done relaxing.
So I got dressed, and as I headed out of the locker room past the desk and waved saying see ya next week my head went *ping!* There it was. I walked to my car, head buzzing. Have you figured it out yet? It dawned on me why I felt like this diet was not giving me the results I wanted to see.
I AM NOT ON A DIET!
This is my life now Root found! This is my life!!!!! Healthy eating, working out, interaction with my friends and peers, this is LIFE! I get it! The results I want to see are there, in the fact that the choices I am making are not the result of me being forced to deprive myself of something in order to lose weight. The results are my choices are natural and intuitive!
While I still have to fight the lazy-monster to go to the gym, and I am sure that will never go away, maybe the slow-go (which really is a reasonable loss rate) is just proof that this new life I have chosen is really the right thing for me. So I will continue to keep on keepin on and perhaps it is time to hide my scale.
Has your switch flipped yet? Is it your lifestyle, or do you still think you are on a diet?