So I have been fairly quiet on my blog the last few days. I am unsure whether it is intentional or not at this point. I have been prepping for my trip to Pennsylvania. I leave in just a few hours. MSP to ORD then ORD to ABE. Two anxiety filled flights. Every single time I think about flying I get this lump in my throat. I think about the tv shows I have seen where people are told in front of others they have to buy two seats. I think about what recently happened with a fellow blogger AllTheWeigh (Kenz).
When I was at my heaviest I did purchase a second seat, just to avoid the embarrassment of being pulled aside. I also did it so I would be comfortable. It however didn’t really ease my fears about flying. When I eliminated one problem I found other things to worry about, people with too much perfume, or crying children, or any number of other things. I am smaller now, I have actually flown without a seatbelt extension on more than one occasion, however not all planes are built the same! Not all seats have the same pitch and width. I am luckily not afraid to ask for a seatbelt extension, I just look forward to the day when I don’t feel so cramped in a plane… will that ever happen?
I am also working through some other things, things I don’t feel comfortable sharing with blog-land, but if you catch me on Facebook, or for coffee I am more than willing to chat about my struggles right now. Life has been changing a lot in the last year and a half. Even more so, I have undergone a transformation in the last 9 months or so. I have become this person that is completely different from who I thought I was.
I find myself questioning a lot of decisions that I have made, and examining every decision I am making now with a deeper scrutiny of how it will effect who and what I will become.
I am so VERY thankful for the friends that have stood by me, and offered me a shoulder of support as I struggle to figure out what the hell it is that I am searching for. Virtual therapy sessions, late night girl talk, phone calls that last hours, coffee chat, lots of hugs and snuggles, shopping, and trivia.
I will hopefully have reliable web access while I am gone, if not I will be finding an internet cafe to post some blog updates. I will be back next Tuesday (in time for Trivia, because the world needs more smart women).
So my blog friends before I go off on my adventure, I will tell you I bought a new camera, so I have no excuse to not take photos on my trip… So I leave you with a photo of some of my friends from tonight! I love these people!!!