Quiet Reflections

So I have been fairly quiet on my blog the last few days.  I am unsure whether it is intentional or not at this point.  I have been prepping for my trip to Pennsylvania.  I leave in just a few hours.  MSP to ORD then ORD to ABE.  Two anxiety filled flights.  Every single time I think about flying I get this lump in my throat.  I think about the tv shows I have seen where people are told in front of others they have to buy two seats.  I think about what recently happened with a fellow blogger AllTheWeigh (Kenz).

When I was at my heaviest I did purchase a second seat, just to avoid the embarrassment of being pulled aside.  I also did it so I would be comfortable.  It however didn’t really ease my fears about flying.  When I eliminated one problem I found other things to worry about, people with too much perfume, or crying children, or any number of other things.  I am smaller now, I have actually flown without a seatbelt extension on more than one occasion, however not all planes are built the same!  Not all seats have the same pitch and width.  I am luckily not afraid to ask for a seatbelt extension, I just look forward to the day when I don’t feel so cramped in a plane… will that ever happen?

I am also working through some other things, things I don’t feel comfortable sharing with blog-land, but if you catch me on Facebook, or for coffee I am more than willing to chat about my struggles right now.  Life has been changing a lot in the last year and a half.  Even more so, I have undergone a transformation in the last 9 months or so.  I have become this person that is completely different from who I thought I was.

I find myself questioning a lot of decisions that I have made, and examining every decision I am making now with a deeper scrutiny of how it will effect who and what I will become.

I am so VERY thankful for the friends that have stood by me, and offered me a shoulder of support as I struggle to figure out what the hell it is that I am searching for.  Virtual therapy sessions, late night girl talk, phone calls that last hours, coffee chat, lots of hugs and snuggles, shopping, and trivia.

I will hopefully have reliable web access while I am gone, if not I will be finding an internet cafe to post some blog updates.  I will be back next Tuesday (in time for Trivia, because the world needs more smart women).

So my blog friends before I go off on my adventure, I will tell you I bought a new camera, so I have no excuse to not take photos on my trip… So I leave you with a photo of some of my friends from tonight!  I love these people!!!
DamnTwins

3 thoughts on “Quiet Reflections

  1. I hope you have a relatively stress free, fun and fruitful visit back home. You are gonna totally tackle that boulder field and kick some butt with workouts while you’re gone, too..that’ll help relieve some stress! *hugs* see you soon when you’re back home!

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