Celebrate! Don’t Hate!

I am putting my 5k recap on hold for another day.  Why you may ask?  Simple, because I have spent the last day silently (or not so silently if you spoke to me over the phone or at the gym) stewing over all the negative body images in the #PriorFatPack post race.

I happily uploaded blurry out of focus photos to our tiny Facebook group late at night, and tagged a few of them, not all of them.  I smiled as I looked at the photos of all the things I missed as I slowly made my way around Lake Como on my first 5k.  I laughed as I looked at the pictures from the potluck, and of the massive amount of food. 

I surfed through blogs of recaps, that touched my heart so deeply.  Knowing that I am considered a friend to so many.  Reading that other people felt welcomed by my hugs and smiles.  Seeing that the hard work that Sabrina and I put into organizing things was so worth it.  I was proud.  I was proud of the #PriorFatPack. 

Then it started… I noticed people untagging themselves from Facebook photos.  Fair enough, I have had a photo or two where my smile wasn’t great, or I looked not quite my best.  I can understand that.  Then I noticed a slide in the feeling of happiness that I had.  I knew deep down why people had untagged themselves.  I had been in that dark place.

Oh My God… Am I Really That Big?

Now, when I was in the 375 pound range my friend Traci and I would be out, and I would see women larger than I, and I would get self conscious and ask, Oh my god? Am I as big as her?  We have all done this, don’t pretend that you have never compared yourself to someone else.  The answer was always NO! It didn’t matter, it is like asking your boyfriend if your hair looks nice.  The answer is always going to be based on what you need to hear. I continued to get larger and when I got to be 430 pounds I no longer played that game because I knew the truth.  I was HUGE.  I never wanted my photo taken when I was 400+ pounds.  I would make excuses, leave the room, heck I had even exposed a roll of film where I had been photographed in a bathing suit just to ensure no one would ever see that again.  I get it! 

What I have come to learn, and learned it on my way back down in the 375-range is that, there are people out there that want photo’s of you! That want memories with you.  Yes okay you are the size you are.  However, when your child looks up at you they will not see the mom that ate the box of girl scout cookies, he sees the mom who has the big strong arms to hold him and the big legs that chase them.  When your husband or wife looks at you they do not see the big blob of fat that we have all felt like.  They see the soft hands that they want to hold and the soft tummy to kiss!

We live our lives and we need to be present in them!  We need those reminders.  We are all on a journey here, and within the #PriorFatPack we come in all shapes and sizes.  We have people who are at or nearly at goal weight and people who are just starting out.  We also have people who are struggling to find a balance with healthy living while losing weight.  We cannot compare ourselves to each other! We are all individuals, and must be present in our lives. How many people in your life have you lost that you wish you had just one more photo of? 

I want each of us to be proud as hell when we look at our 5k photos, and so what if you can see the fat on your thighs! So what if you have a weird look on your face!!! You did something AMAZING on Monday!  You need to focus on the fact that you are changing things in your life.  For every negative thing in the photo you must pick a positive thing about yourself! So stop tearing yourself down!  We are the #PriorFatPack we are not the #PerfectionPack Seriously Celebrate your Victory!!!

 

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Do you think I love this face? NO!

 I want every single one of you to give yourself a big hug and remember we all lapped every single person that stayed home in bed Monday morning.  We all walked faster, ran farther and tried harder than SO MANY PEOPLE!  Be proud of your accomplishments and take pride in yourself.  Do not let the negativity seep into your world!  Celebrate your accomplishments!!! C’mon! It isn’t everyday you get to have your photo with “Real Bread Winners”  Seriously, give the girl who is trying to lose weight some bread… that’s just what I needed 😛 (I did have a tiny slice of it today, since I earned it.  The rest will likely end up fed to the birdies.  I just don’t do bread.

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Do I love each and every single person in this photo? HELL YES!

12 thoughts on “Celebrate! Don’t Hate!

  1. I think you have these thoughts at any weight above where you should be. I know I have in the past looked at a girl larger than me and though oh she is so pretty but not appreciated my own beauty. It is not always about the outer appearance but more so the inner insecurities. Part of owning how you got where you are is owning that appearance and being damn proud when you are doing something to change that and become a healthier person…not skinner but overall more healthy! Mind, body, soul. Love who you are and be proud of your hard work even if you look a little funny in the change process. Just think your one step, pound, inch, day..closer to your goal.

    • I just want the focus to be on the accomplishment not the negatives for just one day! We all did something so many people cannot claim to have done… and the negativity seems to leech in and spoil it and that is a shame!

  2. As I read this, I totally related. I know how YOU feel, and I know how those others feel. I ran a half marathon a few years ago. It felt AMAZING to cross that finish line. They had a professional photography company doing the photos of each runner as they ran through the finish. About a month after my race, I got the photo emailed to me. And I had that horrible thought, “am I really that big??” and I didn’t get the picture. To this day, I wish I had gotten it. What an accomplishment to have a memory of but no photo. It’s sad. Your words are very powerful, and I do hope that your running buddies and any person out there reading your thoughtful post hears what you’ve said and can focus on the accomplishment. I’m a big girl, and running is SO hard when you’re big. That’s why it is SO amazing when you do it! To all of you, GOOD JOB!

  3. Good post, Kris!! I feel that way sometimes – excited about a NSV but totally bummed the scale hasn’t moved. It’s all about perspective and having friends like you who help keep us in the right frame of mind or with the right attutide!!

  4. I may have cringed but I didn’t untag myself. And I am even grateful that the pictures exist – if only to remind myself what I need to accomplish.

    Hugs

  5. Well done Kris! I know that I have felt these same feelings of dread to have my picture taken. I often think of my girls and how terrible it would be if I was no longer here and they didn’t have pictures of me so I suck it up. In fact, a picture taken on Sept 11,2010 was the reason I got my butt in gear again! I didn’t “feel” as big as I looked and actually was. Pictures are definitely a way to remember where you are, were and where you don’t want to go back to. We all did an awesome thing on Monday – great reminder to celebrate that accomplishment and not worry about the face you are making in a picture! Love ya lady!

  6. Guilty as tagged. I confess, and I’m so sorry I made you a sad panda. I’m not a fan of having photos tagged of me, and more than once have considered removing ALL of my tags on my Facebook page. I’m a pro-privacy gal, although I’ll admit that there was some shame for me and the way I look when I see those photos. I hope that will change in time, and while I’m grateful they exist, by choice, I will not let them remain tagged. My self esteem sucks, and I’m working on that. All I can ask is that you all will be patient while I work to get on the other side of these issues. 🙂

  7. I should also say to all of you, thanks for loving and supporting me as I am, vanity and all. My self esteem has truly plummeted since the beginning of the year… maybe somewhat stemming from losing a pregnancy, and family drama. Excuses, sure. But *I* need to deal with them, with your help, of course.

    And please know that I am celebrating my accomplishment, in my own quiet way. I ROCK!!! 🙂 ❤

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