Surfing My Soul

So on a rainy Wednesday afternoon I woke up early enough to catch the afternoon showing of Soul Surfer at the Riverview Theater in Minneapolis.  I had never seen a movie there just been there for work related things a bunch of times. Anyway it is a nice place to see a flick!
So for those that have no idea Soul Surfer is about the surfer who lost her arm in a shark attack a few years ago. A story right up my alley, not that I have lost an appendage but a story of struggles and overcoming challenges. The movie was really good!
I cried!  I am not a parent so I wasn’t able to grieve/relate in the same way as some have to a parent seeing their child experience a trauma but I am human. The story truly is about being able to triumph and find what you want in life no matter whatever life gives you.
While you can’t always see the plan or path right in front of you at any given time you have to trust that you are moving towards the right direction. Sometimes stepping back from whatever it is that has been overwhelming you provides exactly the moment of clarity you need.
I gave up on myself so many times in my life. When I was younger I settled for last, I felt like nothing. When I got married I settled, I needed to get out of the situation I had been in. When I got divorced I still didn’t know what I wanted other than happy.
Happy… That concept I am learning is Very Relative. I have so many times been told I have no happy stories. I have no real recollection of so much of my life it doesn’t really surprise me.
When I sit down and try to think about what made me happy when I was with my ex-hubby it was things like playing video games and chatting on the internet, all things I did alone, behind closed doors in solitary.
Pushing further into that, on the Xbox I interacted with people. Lots of people, I forged friendships and relationships. Several of those people I have met In the “real world”.  Coffee, dinner, laughter, conversations on the phone at all hours of the day and night, true friendship.  This was a continuation of behavior that started in my late teens where my socialization came from meeting people off the internet, but I got to know those people for hours and hours online first.
So now I am living a new life trying to find what makes me happy. The act of playing video games, the games themselves holds no interest for me anymore. Without the game the conversations are never sparked because I have no way to connect with those people. I find it hard to define what happiness is anymore.  I know the feeling though, I am totally in love with that feeling that rush! I think this is part of why it is so important that I can’t let the #PriorFatPack passion I feel go!!
I am falling in love with my life now.  I love the laughter and smiles and hugs from my friends.  I get so pumped up to go out and play trivia with my friends!  I get excited to go hang out at the gym and chat with the ladies and gents there about the goings on for the week.  I can’t remember a time in my entire life where I felt the need so strongly to keep going with something.  There is surely something that started pushing me there, perhaps pulling, but now I feel like I am being carried along by the waves to where I need to go!  This is simply amazing, and I can’t believe I finally get to be a part of it.

6 thoughts on “Surfing My Soul

  1. Thanks for this post! I love the idea of loving a new life…like you said your old activities like video games don’t make you happy anymore. Finding new interests is key. Have you seen the new show Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition (Monday nights on ABC at 10pm/9c)? I’ve been watching it for inspiration & a way to find a new life. Same sort of idea about triumph no matter what life gives you…I’ve cried during every episode! You might like it: http://tinyurl.com/3dzf4lk

    • I have heard really good things about Extreme Makeover:WLE but I haven’t had a chance to check out the show yet. It is on my list of shows to check out. I used to watch Extremem Home Makeover (or whatever it was called) and I would bawl like a baby. I love seeing people band together and succeed and make things better. It is just amazing!

  2. I haven’t seen this movie, but I think I understand how something like that can change your life. I’ve seen big changes in you since we first, briefly, met back in January.

    I have also been watching Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition… the fight they go through is amazing, just like YOU!!

    • Really changes in me? Huh, I feel almost stagnate, almost. The changes feel almost non-existant, but I totally trust you if you say you see them. I mean… in the last few months… I feel like I can FEEL them… but I could just be insane 😛 Itis not a far trip down the rabbit hole 🙂

  3. Hi Sweetie!

    I can comment on your blog today, yay! So, I’ve only met you in the last couple of months…the Kris I know is exhuberant, supportive, full of life, happy, energetic, smiling..omigosh I cannot imagine you any other way. Obviously I have read your blogs and I know this has been a long journey for you. I am so happy and pleased for you that you are feeling happy and enjoying life to the fullest, it suits you chica!

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