30 Years War

So today marks the end of a war, and the start of a new one. In the words of my parents and I am sure so many others… “I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it.”  Today is the day they brought me into this world 30 years ago!

Last year at this time I began to struggle with the idea of turning 30.  I didn’t really have many, okay really any friends.  I had started getting healthy and making major changes to my life, and had been sticking with them for months, but it was extremely difficult for me to fathom hitting the 30 mark.  I set the ridiculous condition for myself about turning 30 that if I did not weigh less than 250 pounds by July 6th there would be no Birthday.  30 would not happen.  Not just no party, no birthday, like I could stop time.

Sometime Saturday night while I had my 300-ish miles of driving for work something kinda clicked in my head.  I get my best ideas in two places, behind the wheel of the car, and in the shower.  Clarity and inspiration seem to strike in those places, and I am okay with that.  I needed it.

As I drove toward Harris, MN (which is about 65 miles north of the cities) in the darkness and solitude of the night I thought about the last year.  I thought about all the changes I have made, and how I really am no longer the person I once was.  I am not the person I was when I moved here in 2005.  I am not the person who started this healthiness initiative in 2009.  I am not even the same person that I was 12-months ago.  I don’t even completely feel comfortable saying that I am the same person physically that I was because I am not.  At no point in my entire life have I ever been as fit as I am now.  I am a new person.

The last 9 months or so, give or take, have been almost a birth of sorts.  I am a new person.  People in my life that were once key players have drifted to the sidelines.  People who were never cheerleaders and supporters are now big fans. I have friends that I look forward to seeing, and that look forward to seeing me.  I have a weekly schedule of activities that I LOVE to do.  I am considered a regular at my gym, and at my local watering hole. There are new players entering the field and I am unsure where the game of life is going to take me from here.  I do know that I am ready to play through though.  It is my time to be happy healthy and in the drivers seat!

My first 30 years were strewn with so many things I had no control over.  The wounds heal, the scars fade, those things stay with you, even if you forgive those who caused them.  I look back on the first 30 years as a sharp learning curve.  Not only for me but perhaps for everyone that helped shape me.  I know my parents feel a certain amount of guilt knowing now how much I endured in my adolesence.  I know my ex-husband feels somehow like I misled him because we ended up incompatible, thats what you get when you get married after a year, and don’t live alone together until after you have been married more than a year.  I know I learned not to depend on others for your happiness.  I also learned it is not a weakness to want to be able to depend on others when they give their word.  I learned I am worth a whole hell of a lot more than I was EVER led to believe before.

I expect my next 30 years will be a lot of learning as well, and I will make sure there is a lot more enjoying of life with the learning.  I am shooting to remember more of it.  I think experiencing my life with help me remember it.  Immersive learning is key right?  No more sidelines!

I am greatful for the shift in my mindset, however temporary to let me adjust to being 30.  I am sure I will still freak out a few times, but I know I am headed toward some major changes.  It is time to shake things up!

Lookout World! I’m Coming for you!

30!!!! & Silly as Ever!

30 & Silly as Ever!

6 thoughts on “30 Years War

  1. Happy Birthday dear friend!!! I am honored I get to be a player in your game!
    My wish for you! … I hope you celebrate like you have never celebrated before. Not just today, but forever. I hope the horrible people from your past never make it to your future. I hope you laugh more than you ever have. Love harder than you ever thought possible. And are happier then you ever dreamed. Show the world who you are and the light that is inside!

    In the words of Tim McGraw…

    I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
    The ending of an era and the turning of a page
    Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
    Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

    Hey my next thirty years I’m gonna have some fun
    Try to forget about all the crazy things I’ve done
    Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears
    And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years

    My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores
    Cry a little less, laugh a little more
    Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
    Figure out just what I’m doing here
    In my next thirty years

    Oh my next thirty years, I’m gonna watch my weight
    Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
    Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
    Maybe I’ll remember my next thirty years

    My next thirty years will be the best years of my life

  2. I just came across your blog from one of my other blogger friends on twitter. Sounds like you are having a year like me. Happy birthday and congrats on your journey so far. Im off to start following you over on twitter!

  3. Happy Birthday, Kris! What a wonderful journey you’ve been on. Like Sabrina (and Tim) said…the next thirty years will be the best of your life.

  4. Once again Happy Birthday Babes! Love you! You have become an awesome person and I cant imagine a day in my life without you. With all of your changes life is bound to change some to and you are rolling with the punches and I believe headed in a great direction. You are destine for greatness and I am so thrilled to be along for the ride.
    Big Fat Birthday Huggggs!!!

  5. Happy birthday!!! From reading your blog archives, i think 30 will be the year that you conquer the world 🙂 You are such an inspiration, keep up with what you are doing and again HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

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