So today marks the end of a war, and the start of a new one. In the words of my parents and I am sure so many others… “I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it.” Today is the day they brought me into this world 30 years ago!
Last year at this time I began to struggle with the idea of turning 30. I didn’t really have many, okay really any friends. I had started getting healthy and making major changes to my life, and had been sticking with them for months, but it was extremely difficult for me to fathom hitting the 30 mark. I set the ridiculous condition for myself about turning 30 that if I did not weigh less than 250 pounds by July 6th there would be no Birthday. 30 would not happen. Not just no party, no birthday, like I could stop time.
Sometime Saturday night while I had my 300-ish miles of driving for work something kinda clicked in my head. I get my best ideas in two places, behind the wheel of the car, and in the shower. Clarity and inspiration seem to strike in those places, and I am okay with that. I needed it.
As I drove toward Harris, MN (which is about 65 miles north of the cities) in the darkness and solitude of the night I thought about the last year. I thought about all the changes I have made, and how I really am no longer the person I once was. I am not the person I was when I moved here in 2005. I am not the person who started this healthiness initiative in 2009. I am not even the same person that I was 12-months ago. I don’t even completely feel comfortable saying that I am the same person physically that I was because I am not. At no point in my entire life have I ever been as fit as I am now. I am a new person.
The last 9 months or so, give or take, have been almost a birth of sorts. I am a new person. People in my life that were once key players have drifted to the sidelines. People who were never cheerleaders and supporters are now big fans. I have friends that I look forward to seeing, and that look forward to seeing me. I have a weekly schedule of activities that I LOVE to do. I am considered a regular at my gym, and at my local watering hole. There are new players entering the field and I am unsure where the game of life is going to take me from here. I do know that I am ready to play through though. It is my time to be happy healthy and in the drivers seat!
My first 30 years were strewn with so many things I had no control over. The wounds heal, the scars fade, those things stay with you, even if you forgive those who caused them. I look back on the first 30 years as a sharp learning curve. Not only for me but perhaps for everyone that helped shape me. I know my parents feel a certain amount of guilt knowing now how much I endured in my adolesence. I know my ex-husband feels somehow like I misled him because we ended up incompatible, thats what you get when you get married after a year, and don’t live alone together until after you have been married more than a year. I know I learned not to depend on others for your happiness. I also learned it is not a weakness to want to be able to depend on others when they give their word. I learned I am worth a whole hell of a lot more than I was EVER led to believe before.
I expect my next 30 years will be a lot of learning as well, and I will make sure there is a lot more enjoying of life with the learning. I am shooting to remember more of it. I think experiencing my life with help me remember it. Immersive learning is key right? No more sidelines!
I am greatful for the shift in my mindset, however temporary to let me adjust to being 30. I am sure I will still freak out a few times, but I know I am headed toward some major changes. It is time to shake things up!
Lookout World! I’m Coming for you!