Thank YOU! I wanted to take a moment and say thank you, each of you that read yesterdays post. Whether you commented or not, whether you were offended by what I had to say or inspired to look inside yourself, thank you.
Yesterdays post was a very difficult one for me to write. One thing that a lot of bloggers have to face is walking the line between how much is too much to share with their readers. I think of each of you as a friend. Many of you I have met. We have shared coffee, whether it be one on one at Caribou Coffee, or over dinner, or in a room full of people at a #PFGMeetup. Others have stumbled into my blog in other ways, but lets face it, you are here reading right? So how much is too much. Obviously I am not going to share intimate details of every aspect of my life with you, although I share a lot. Honestly, sharing my “now” life comes almost naturally, I feel comfortable whipping out my camera to snap a photo of my food, or a photo of where I am to post on my blog. When I am out walking somewhere new or exciting I always have a narrative in the back of my head about a post. I really should have a dictaphone! Where I really struggle is with sharing my past. How much is too much. I don’t want to be judged on who I was, or who I am, in fact I don’t want to be judged at all! I long to be understood, or sympathised with. I want to paint a more complete picture to let others know that they are not alone when they struggle with the same things I have fought through.
There are so many demons there, so many wounds, so many choices. I look back at them not so much as good or bad, but as lessons learned and steps taken to get me where I am. I am thankful for many of the things I have learned from being kicked and tossed around by life. There is a saying about hitting bottom, because there is no place to go but up, but you can be dragged around the bottom for a long time before you go back up.
So in putting that post up yesterday I felt a bit liberated. So much of my old life is separated from my life here in Minnesota. I like it that way, it keeps things neat and tidy. You know what folks… life is not neat and tidy. So much of why I am the way that I am was forged out of those moments when I was alone.
I am full of quirks, that I try to hide in my everyday life. Things like the fact that I wash my hands more than anyone that I know, I check the locks on my car and my apartment door more times than anyone should, and why do I do this… it could be OCD, but it could also be that I don’t remember doing things. I have walked back up my apartment stairs so many times because I can’t remember if I locked the door. It has always been locked, every time. I hide my old life, the awkward backwoods girl from Pennsylvania died when I moved here, and I killed her when I started losing weight.
So this week I am looking at my life, and the people in it, and the experiences to find things to be grateful for. I know it is early in the year for people to start making their thankful lists. Thanksgiving seems to be the only time of year that most of us take the time to look at our lives and look for all the wonderful blessings that we have. I challenge you to look at your life and find something to be grateful for right this moment!
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. ” ~Melody Beattie
I feel a bit like I am on the verge of some spiritual awakening, I can feel myself connected to something more, something bigger. Formal religion is not my strong suit, baptized Catholic as a teeny-tiny baby having bounced around my friends churches as a teenager, I know I have Faith, Faith in something larger than myself. I don’t know what life is going to hold for me next, but I am so glad that I am on this path. Amazing things are happeneing.