After yesterdays breakdown I am feeling a bit better. I had a talk with a friend at the gym about how I was feeling stuck and trapped and wanted to give up. I was riding the high of once again finishing off week 3 day 3 of c25k when I got to water aerobics. We chatted away for the hour of class, cracking jokes and being our silly selves. Somehow in the mix of silliness we mixed in the seriousness of what I was dealing with. By the time I got home my blog had gone live and I had already started getting an amazing outpouring of support. I was amazed. Thank you, each and every one of you. It really means a lot that you took time to cheer me on, give me strength, share a thought or a prayer.
As I sit here it is 3am, and I am sitting down to dinner. My calories are being tracked. Homemade soup and a banana for dinner. A strange combo but it is what I wanted. The open bag of popcorn that I had been taking handfuls from is gone. The unopened bag of popcorn will stay that way. Once it is opened it will be bagged down and sealed off into single servings. If I baggie them out I will be fine. I have done this before. I just need to go back to basics. One step at a time. Asking for help when I need it, planning my meals, and for the love of god stop eating out of the packages!
I did make myself some lovely soup at the beginning of the week when I was starting to lose grip on things to try to have something that I could go to, to feel kinda healthy about eating. Beef vegetable soup, I basically browned off a tiny bit of beef and added every veggie that was left in my fridge and freezer. I added water, herbs, spices, and a few cans of low-sodium broth and stock. Tonight I added some noodles since I didn’t have any barley. There are enough veggies in the soup that it is more like a stew with the noodles but it is hearty and I know what went into it.
There are several quarts of non-noodled up soup frozen off ready for dinner at a moments notice. I will be making a chicken soup this next week. Before I do that I need to organize my freezer so I can fit the cupcake pans in there. I like to freeze my soups off in cupcake molds as opposed to quarts because it allows me to thaw out just the amount I want. I will be prepared for the fall and winter months coming up. I won’t have to resort to higher calorie processed to go meals and foods. I will be able to grab something I made and it will taste good!
I also am doing something I didn’t want to do right now but I am starting a #7daychip for #NoDesserts which is especially difficult because I just bought a pumpkin chai cheesecake from my favorite cheesecake bakery Muddy Paws! It is a brand new seasonal flavor, and you know what, it will still be in the bottom of my freezer later on. I need to break myself from this sweet treat before bed habit.
A cup of tea or some of my beloved Crystal Light might be okay, but no more cheesecake, ice cream, popcorn, veggies, apples etc at the end of my day. Bad behavior needs to stop. If I am hungry I can wait to eat until I wake up.
Now, its dinner time for me!