Recently I decided to read back through some old LiveJournal entries from 2000. Just to see what was lingering in my mind all those years ago. I mean isn’t that part of why we keep blogs and journals? A way to look back on the past and find out what was going on. The tradition of passing on an oral history in our culture is long gone. So when I stumbled across the results from a personality test I had taken in September of 2000 I was curious to see if what everyone in my life had been saying was true.
I tracked down a Myers-Briggs test online, because we all know online tests are 100% accurate right? I proceeded to answer the questions and was shocked to see that I had indeed actually shifted! Now I know intellectually that I have changed a lot over the last 11 years since I took the last test, but I never actually thought much about why.
So Monday night I sat thinking for a while about why I would have changed. What causes people to have a change in their personality. I think this thinking is mostly due to some family drama going on and my being hyper-aware of the potential for changes to indicate problems when they happen suddenly. I looked back over time to try to pinpoint when my changes occurred.
I wanted to blame the change in my personality on some traumatic or life changing event. Most specifically I wanted to say that perhaps my shift from INFP to ENFJ came from my divorce and move to Minnesota to find myself. I mean it is logical right? A wedding and divorce is are both MAJOR life events and both occurred after I took that test for the first time. Logic would dictate that those could be the cause right? When I take that step back though and look at the big picture of what my life looked like, things didn’t start changing until the weight started to come off.
I didn’t start to live my life the way I am now until a large portion of the weight started coming off. I often talk about having killed the “old Kris” I joke that I murdered her and hid the body, and truly with the amount of weight I have taken off I really have shed her. Now knowing that my personality has actually shifted I think even more that I truly am becoming a new person.
I don’t know how I feel about being someone different. I know deep down inside I am the same good-hearted girl that I always was. The people in my life that see the changes that have occurred in me describe me as so much happier now than I once was. I feel much more fulfilled in my life now, but I still search for more. I know I will find exactly what I am searching for as I keep changing but I do recall reading many years ago that you can’t actually change your personality. So I guess I wonder what exactly is going on with me.
I don’t know why I wanted to share this with you, but I think I just wanted to let you know that on this journey as we grow and change, gain and lose people from our lives it will be okay. Our strengths change, and we find people to help build us up. It truly is amazing this journey can be to help you find happiness. I didn’t notice the changes in myself. I was too close to myself to see what was happening inside, just like outside.
Life is… strange.