So Tuesday I spent some time, stepping back in time. Basically I reconnected with my past. Not so much the part of me that I blocked off, but the part that I left behind when I got married. I also took some time to connect with myself. Traveling and life gets super stressful here in Pennsylvania, and I needed to take a step back and find some me time.
Tuesday morning started out with a manicure, which is an unusual thing for me. Due to the nature of my job, and the fact that I am surely not very girly. I fell in love with the OPI Muppets collection when I saw it online a few weeks ago, The salon I went to was out of most of the colors, apparently they are very popular. I can’t imagine why, I mean Muppets are for kids right? Along with my manicure I got a massage, might as well spoil myself if I am taking time out of my day for me right? It wasn’t along one, I am not a big fan of them. My fibromyalgia makes me very sensitive to touch and pressure, but I needed to release some tension.
As I drove around my old stomping grounds prior to my manicure it was a bit surreal. I was dressed in my old clothes, literally I had pulled out my oversized hoodie and some old too big for me pants because I spilled beet juice on my cords yesterday. Music from my late teen years filled the radio as I hit the seek button. Green Day and Blink182 make me crack up laughing thinking about the old times I had with friends.
I met up with the first of my friends just before 1:30, it had been 11 years, to the best we could pin down, since we had last seen each other. We started off with a hug, and from there it was just like picking up where we left off. We met at Perkins, which was where we used to eat pretty much every week after bowling leagues. We caught up about families, and friends, and people who have come and gone from our lives. We laughed and discussed the past rockiness of our friendship, and what we learned from it and it was just what the doctor ordered!
I left with a promise to not let another 11 years pass before we saw each other again. Life is so fragile, time passes so quickly, I am so happy to have rekindled my friendship.
My second meeting of the day was actually with an ex-boyfriend. Truth be told this meeting had two purposes. One was to give him the closure he deserved for our relationship. 11 years ago, I was young and just kinda called things off, with no real explanation why. Truth be told there were dozens of reasons that were neither here nor there. What I wanted to do was give him that sense of closure that he said time and again that he had been denied. The other thing I wanted to show him was just how different I am now from who I was back then. I have truly come into my own, I am so much stronger, wiser and confident. I have no problems speaking my mind and calling bullshit when I see and hear it. We have remained friends, off and on since we broke up so I figured why not, 11 or 12 years was long enough to have not seen each other. We met up at the mall, and walked around the mall for about 2 hours. I was happy to have the calorie burn. I got to say my piece, in my way, and he felt good when we parted ways. Being back at Willow Grove Mall brought back a lot of memories. I met a lot of friends there over the years. Lots of time was spent walking around that mall. Many hours of conversations were logged in that place. I am grateful that those walls can’t talk.
My drive home I thought a lot about who I used to be, the Kristina that used to spend her Saturdays in Doylestown, trying to be happy, trying to smile, trying to do the best that I could to fake my way into being real. I now know that back then I was just pretending, and that it wasn’t even a fake it till you make it case. I didn’t know what I wanted from my life. Who does when you are that young? I am blessed to have Ashley in my life after all these years who I picked right back up with this afternoon after all this time. It is truly amazing. Having changed, and grown, seeing how she has changed and grown, it is just awesome!
I am happy to say that who I have become is a much stronger person that I ever imagined would be possible for me. I will continue to push forward reaching for what I want out of life. Afterall you have to go after what you want from this life!