Thinking Spot

I like to think I approach life as a learning lesson.  Taking things from each encounter and situation and applying them to my future, and using what I have learned to help others around me.

It is no real surprise to anyone in my life that the job I took on in January has been a struggle for me.  Finding a way to balance my healthy lifestyle where I am in a desk job that consumes such a large portion of my day and is so draining has been an insurmountable task.  Add to that the burdens placed upon me by my own illnesses and it sets me up to just be depressed.

I am a big believer that in life we are put into places and situations to change the lives of those around us, to be used as instruments of impact.  While I feel a lot of burden here at work, I know this is the place I need to be as I see the impact of my positive nature in the lives of some of the people here.  I know this is not the place I want to be, but as I talk to a coworker who has been given 12 months to live, whose mother is also battling cancer and whose daughter was thankfully just taken off life support and is recovering from what looks to be meningitis, and I tell him to fight I know I am just convincing myself to fight. As I look to my boss whose son, my coworker, is on life support right now and I ask if there is anything I can do, and he tells me to just keep doing what I am doing I know that I am where I need to be right now.

I am reminded that in life we don’t have to like what we are doing, we don’t have to like where we are, but there is a reason why we are placed somewhere.  Things will not change unless we act upon them, but how we act upon them will effect how they change.  Mary, FitThisGirl, spoke about how each encounter we have with a person or situation presents an opportunity to build a relationship up or tear it down.  I think this job has been spending a lot of time tearing me down, which may be what I needed. \

It has made me vulnerable, it has made me see that I think I am not good enough for a lot of things.  It has made me think that I am unworthy of better than I have.  It makes me doubt my abilities, and then I am reminded that what I am doing now, is actually way more than what was ever explained, or expected of the previous person in this role. This position while it was established before, is actually a new development because there is so much change involved.

Change is the one thing in life that is constant.


3 thoughts on “Thinking Spot

  1. I have received a lot of news this week and am walking into a conversation in a few hours in which I will have to make that decision, to build a relationship up or tear it down. I was sitting here crying, feeling so overwhelmed but strangely as if I am exactly where I am meant to be. We’re kindred spirits today, I think. Love reading your words.

  2. My gosh, girl, you are wise and thoughtful beyond your years. I love this ‘from the heart’ post! If you are ever doubting your strength, I hope I can be one of the people to make you more aware of just how strong you are. I admire that you know that life does require that we help others, even if we put ourselves “aside” temporarily. Endurance is a GREAT strength, and you have MUCH. Endurance will cause you to rise just one more time than you fall, and really, that’s all it takes to succeed, right?

    Your last comment about change really struck a chord with me, as I was trying to convince myself just 2 days ago that I should practice taking comfort in the fact that change is something I can always expect, rather than always analyzing changes through my “fear goggles”.

    I just want you to know that I think you’re amazing and special for so many reasons. Your success in your healthiness journey is but one of many inspiring and and wonderful qualities you possess. (((HUGS)))

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