Hanging by a Thread

I feel like my grip on things right now is like the tiny string glued onto my teabag.  Just barely hanging on there, it’s there but not really secure, you know it’s gonna stay there but who knows for how long.

I am feeling ill, every time I eat lately I am getting sick.  Gassy, bloated, pain, I don’t know if it is a gluten issue, I haven’t been told formally that it is an issue with me, but some of the inflammatory conditions I have are linked to gluten issues.  It could be all the sugar built up in my gut from the Peeps Fest I had over Easter.  Perhaps it is an ulcer, it could be 100 different things I guess.

I am thinking of putting down the weight loss books for a while and trying an elimination diet, one step at a time, maybe try a few weeks with no dairy, or no gluten.  I just feel like crap.  I have ZERO energy I am not sleeping well and it is truly taking a toll on my mental health.

I am starting to feel like the old me inside at least.  I had the most awesome time Friday night preparing a dinner for a group of people I love, and spending the weekend celebrating a birthday with my guy.  Sunday I cheered on some friends who rocked out their very first TRI! Yelling eh-hem I mean cheering them on was awesome, it was inspiring but made my heart hurt in a way because of the setbacks I am going through with my foot and back among other things.  Sharing laughter and cheer with them after was so fun.  I felt what I can only describe as LIFE while surrounded by my friends this weekend.  Not sitting on the sidelines, not watching others with envy, but feeling connected, feeling hope.

I want to get back to being fully immersed in life and I am getting there slowly.  Seeking balance has been difficult with this job, I feel like I withdrew from almost everything to take this job, and it wasn’t worth it.  I am finding the balance slowly, it takes time and practice.  I find myself wanting to cut the fat from my life, so to speak, and I think that helps.  Getting the crap out the stuff I don’t have time for and focusing on what means the most to me.  Family at its core built from blood and tears, laughter and love.  Those you choose to put in the circle those who build you up.  I need this in my life right now, I need to give what I have to those people.

Small town girl in the big city with dreams of Unicorns and Fluffy Puffy Cloud Bouncy Castles dreams big and lives bigger. –Me…Someday

2 thoughts on “Hanging by a Thread

  1. Poor dear, feeling like crap is no good. I started winding down my gluten and noticed a difference. I also started taking a probiotic and noticed a HUGE change in bloat, gassiness, and just general belly upset. Since getting healthier I have noticed (2) big upsets for me are sugar and whole wheat and sure enough after watching them and taking the probiotic religiously Friday I ate both and all my prior nonsense came back. Good luck figuring out what’s causing you guff!

    • I never was a big sugar eater, we didn’t get it growing up… Even in my younger adult years I never ingested much. Then in the last year or so I have found an increase in the cravings for sugar. Then the more you eat the more you want… It is a wicked cycle.
      So I am taking it slow. Off the sugar off the artifical sweetners about 98% upping the water consumption. Doing things the right way.
      Giving the body what it needs. Slow and steady, rebuilding my insides, letting them heal, letting my body feel.

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