So since July I have been doing Weight Watchers. I have done as I promised myself, I gave into the plan. I followed the weird math, I did the plan as it was intended. I didn’t use my weekly points, I used my weekly points. I used all, I used some, I worked out a lot, I worked out a little. I ate my target daily points, I ate less than my target points and here I sit, fluxing the same 15 lbs up and down.
Now there is something to be said about staying close to the same weight for a long period of time after having regained a bunch of weight, however I am not happy with this. I wrote, I believe last time, maybe the time before, about how I am switching to VERY low carb, and gluten-free eating. I would love to continue my Weight Watchers membership to get the meetings and the weigh in’s (I prefer to weigh in on someone else’s scale that doesn’t move around as opposed to mine that gets tossed in the closet after I weigh) however almost $50.00 a month is not worth getting on the scale 4 times. I will miss seeing the excitement and progress others are making on their journeys, and I haven’t told anyone goodbye or why I am leaving. I know my leader will be sad to see me go, but it isn’t working for me.
That after all is what this whole process is about. Finding what works for you, not what works for everyone else. I can’t sit here and say, oh such and such worked for Emma and blah blah worked for Joe, because when it comes to these things, I am not them I am myself. I have never been one to follow the crowd, actually that is something I pride myself on. I may have my f2fpack, but I never run with the pack. I follow my own drum and listen to what my body tells me is right. I did far too much damage to my body when I was young by not eating enough thinking that was the only way. Now with the wealth of knowledge available to me I know there are hundreds of ways to do things and I need to find what works for me.
I do know that tracking is the answer, however I think that tracking calories isn’t my answer. That led to a very dangerous world for me. I know that when I track calories I become so hyper-focused on tracking every crumb and every morsel that it becomes a sickness. I start to lose my grip on reality after a while. It didn’t happen luckily when I was tracking points as much, but it was still there. I think somewhere in my mind I just want so badly to succeed that I cannot let anything go.
I know that it takes time to get where I am going, and like everything worth doing it is worth doing well, and the right way. So I bump along, wondering how anyone ever loses weight working full-time (50 hours a week minimum), squeezing in working out, and trying to maintain a relationship with loved ones, and friends. It truly is no wonder I feel like I can’t ever catch up sometimes.
I find my center as I close my eyes, my bedtime is my time. It is the commitment I make to myself. It is the way I show myself respect, to let myself have rest. When someone asks me how much sleep I got the night before I like to be able to answer 7 or 8 hours. I could take time from that to keep up with everyone else… but it is not worth the expense. I am doing what I need to do for me… and in the end, no one else can do this for me, or do it like me.