Long Distance Sucks.

So I find myself thinking a lot about my mom the last few days. She is finally starting to take her health seriously, and I like to think I can be a small part of why. Lead by example because you never know who is watching, it could be a child, or it could be someone you never expected.

I live 1000 miles from my mom, she is a very busy lady, we have never really been close same goes for my dad. We just aren’t a huggy/lovely touchy/feely family. Weeks come and go and we call, every Sunday I “Phone home.” It started as a ritual to ensure I wasn’t in a ditch somewhere, but I think that was more of an excuse my parents made up to get me to call because they missed me. I get it, I really do. I think now the calls are more for me than for them, or at least almost as much for me as them. Yes at times they are a chore, but I have somehow come to bond with my dad over the distance. My mom and I have come to a healing point over a lot of things over these phone calls. Usually I catch one or both of my parents at a bad time, my mom is perpetually busy, it’s okay I am used to that. However I have managed to pin down a few mornings, or evenings with just awesome moments where she just seems to have had an awakening about what my life has been like.
A few weeks ago she told me about her hairdressers daughter, whom I used to babysit for, she was my first client, well this particular one was the little sister, so errr second client? Anyway, she is out of high school, she went to school where I did and had similar issues with bullying, not for the same reasons, but you get it. She is now not going to college, she is doing other amazing artistic things with her life, states away from her family. My mom related bits and pieces of my story to the gentleman, and about how I never truly blossomed until I left, not home, not my town, but the state. She went on in the conversation with me about how proud she was of me for taking the leap of faith required to move across the country. She was proud of me… Why not tell me… Why have I been here since 2005 and I am just now finding out this… perhaps because you are just now realizing how strong I am.
Holidays are harder to be this far away. Yes holidays suck, I “screwed them up” perpetually, time with my family ALWAYS ends in a fight. I am too different and too strong willed to be with them for long periods of time. Still I miss my family’s traditions. I have family here, Robb’s family has made me one of theirs since my very first holiday with them… but it isn’t the same, how can it be. I send cards to my mom and dad for pretty much every holiday, dad says don’t waste your money, but it’s all I can do. I don’t have the resources to fly out there to see them, I don’t have the time off from work, nor the money. I have to pick and choose what I do with my time. This year I am choosing my vacation time be spent in Portland for FitBloggin’. I am regretting my choice, and at this point may blow off the conference and spend the time in Tillamook with my family there that I haven’t seen since I was 15. I need family, The closer I get to my adopted family here the more I realize how far I am from my family.
Here I sit sipping my coffee thinking about my mom, and the fact that I will never be able to have Starbucks and NOT think about her. I took her to Starbucks for the first time it was in New York City, we sat in the window and watched people pass by. We ate pizza walking in the street, and went to a show… but I couldn’t tell you what show… Stomp? Les Mis? I don’t remember… I remember the coffee… I remember sitting with her. We have matching tea pots that look like cats, so we can still do long distance tea, but we haven’t done that since I moved to MN.
Time is fleeting the memories I have are fuzzy, it scares me. So don’t wait till there is a holiday to call someone you love, don’t wait for a hoilday. Yes it is indeed Mothers Day weekend, but don’t wait till Sunday, celebrate those you love everyday.
When is Families Day? When is the day when we celebrate all that we have? When can we celebrate US? Do it before it is too late.

2 thoughts on “Long Distance Sucks.

  1. Good message, embrace family and let them know you love them. But, family is more than just your blood relations..family can be built wherever you are and love you just as much, or even more. Love you lots Miss Kris.

  2. Beautiful post. I was already apprecaitive of a visit (at SB, no less) this week with my mom, and now I appreciate it all the more. I hope you’ve been able to visit your family out on the West coast.

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