*deep sigh* Another diagnosis. Another page added to my book of shit gone wrong, shit that should have been caught 20 years ago. Something that could have been treated then, that now is something I just have to deal with.
My head is in a very ugly space right now. VERY ugly. I went for a Physical Therapy session last night after work, they had an opening, and I took it. A manual physical therapist, ok, he felt my joints, which no surprise move very well and decided that my plantar fasciitis is being caused by something else. External Tibial Torsion. *sigh* Turns out I have been having this issue since I was a kid. The loss of inward rotation that has been chalked up to all hip surgeries I had is NOT actually the issue with my feet turning outward.
While this is not the end of the world, it is part of why I have struggled so much with running, and why the elliptical is and continues to be a better choice for me. There will very likely be no running in my future. My physical therapy is now being shifted from manual therapy to a running therapist in hopes that he may be able to provide better insight into getting me back into working shape. As my friends saw on Sunday I am NOT in any kind of fighting shape, so to speak.
The grip of what I want to call “medical depression” just seems to have grabbed ahold of me and wont let go. While none of these things going on with me is fatal I just can’t seem to get ahead of anything. Everytime I turn around it is something else going wrong, this is why I stopped visiting doctors before, because it was just one thing after another. While the human body is fascinating in the way it is all connected, I cry because it seems like there is no end to the connection, no big answer as to what is wrong with me. What is wrong with me is I am a walking talking living disaster.
So I keep pushing along… for now… but I am really getting tired of more questions than answers but I keep pushing… fingers crossed, the end of new things the resolution of all the stuff wrong so far can’t be that far off.