So lately I have been struggling with food. This should not be a surprise. One has to struggle with one component or another right? Things are never easy going in the land of health and wellness. I love to cook, I find it so fulfilling, extravagant dinners, thousands of calories, food is love right? … yeah… I thought so. I don’t even mind healthy cooking, grilling, stir-frys, broiled seafood, YUM! However I live in a tiny little apartment… the only grilling I do is on a Cuisine Art griddle thing, my stove is a disaster, I don’t have tons of counter space, and I am fairly certain that one of these days my fridge is going to die. I miss having a huge kitchen like where I grew up, I hate having to decide what to make day after day. So many things look so good, but I just lack energy most of the time. Worse than any of that is the dishes! I hate doing dishes.
So for now I am hopping on the Big Train… shake wagon that is. No this isn’t a paid advertisement, heck I don’t even know what it is going to do for the scale since I haven’t weighed in in at least a month.
I have had a lot on my mind. I have been consulting my various options, I had a WLS surgery consult before I went to fitbloggin. I am undecided what I want to do with that road. I opened the door, and it’s there. A place to be explored, a tool, one I may need as my hunger is often uncontrollable. The surgeon looked at my files, found my highest weight was actually closer to 450 than 430. Either way, my expected outcome if I had WLS would land me in the 200-250 range… which is where I was before I took my current job. But I was barely there… 245-250 starving, working out like a maniac, scale not budging, trying sooo hard… If nothing else that consult was a wake up call that I have unrealistic expectations of getting below 200 pounds because of how big I was. It doesn’t mean I can or will give up.
I met with a nutritionist just before that consult, she said my eating looks like it is spot on, my exercise when I do it is great, things will be slow but I will get to where I was. So right now I am working on my 1200-1500 calories a day goal where I was before, working on getting in my water, and vitamins. Focusing on protein and fiber and getting exercise, and finding balance. I wish things were easier, I am trying to listen to my body, learn the signals for hunger, learn the difference between hunger and thirst, learn where my limits are physically again. I want to get back to having my life in my control instead of feeling like I am floating along or being pushed.
So for right now my meal planning feels a lot like Slim Fast, not that I am loving that but it makes things easy. I have an 8oz Big Train first thing in the morning, my faves are the Big Train Campfire Mocha (made with Sugarfree Smores Syrup) but I also have Raspberry & Coconut syrups that rock in the Mocha shakes as well. I have a 3lb bag of the Vanilla that just arrived yesterday, right now I am sipping on a Vanilla raspberry hazelnut shake.
I have a morning snack, somewhere in the neighborhood of 150 calories, give or take… sometimes a granola bar, or a greek yogurt, today 2 hardboiled eggs. Lunch is another shake, this one is a 16 oz, more of the same, powder, syrup, water, ice. I try and finish 2 liters of water during the day, usually carbonated, flavored if it needs to be.
Dinner, well… you know that meme where breakfast and lunch are all normal and dinner is out of control… that’s sort of what my life is like… but having my day mostly under control lets dinner be a bit more relaxed if need be. I don’t stress too much over dinner I have 800-900 calories available to me for dinner/dessert I have been known to go over at dinner but usually I am in control. We are working on planning meals a few days ahead of time, this week there is shredded chicken in the fridge, Chicken topped salads, stir frys, salsa chicken I’ll figure something out for the week. Trick is veggies with everything… and water… lots of water.
Back to basics… We can do this. The scale… well it can stay hidden I don’t need that stress.