#WYCWYC

Do what you can where you are, with what you have, and do it where you are. -Theodore Roosevelt.

Roni (our fearless Fitbloggin leader) started a hashtag project #WYCWYC it is short for What you can, when you can. I had a post sitting in my “trunk” for a while about this subject but I have since tossed all my trunk posts in the trash. I don’t want to be that person, I don’t want to churn out canned posts. I want to be raw and honest with you.

Thursday my dear friend Mel sent me the Theodore Roosevelt quote from the top of this post, which is actually the starting line from the post I threw away. She sent it to me as I sat at the hospital again. … yep again… I am still fighting with my body. It cannot seem to decide to fight for itself. Turns out I still have my sinus infection. … The one that caused me to lose my voice, the one I still went to work with, the one I took 14 days of antibiotics for. Yep. That one.

Last weekend I missed a baby shower and a wedding (both of which really upset me, I had made a commitment to my friend Meredith to be her personal attendant and morning of my throat had a golfball in it!) My body is fighting me. I got up, showered, dressed, went to the farmers market like I do, did #wycwyc and tried to have a normal day. Turns out… that had to be good enough for me.

Thursday they ran a CT on me, and prescribed some new drugs. I asked the doctor what I can do as far as activity since my body is fighting the infection I should’t be pushing too hard, and he said slow activity, talk about a blow to my system. I just feel so stuck and so much like I can’t get ahead. I feel like all my progress has been for nothing… so much hard work, fough for tooth and nail, blood and tears for every inch and it is being torn from me by my own body that isn’t strong enough or smart enough to fight for itself.

…and then in another breath I remind myself WYCWYC… I am in a better place than I was at this time in 2009. I can do so much more than I could at this time in 2009. Everything talked time. It is not a sprint, it is not a race, there is not finish line. There are ups downs left and right turns in this. The path leads backwards forwards and you are going to end up running in circles more than once… it is how it happens, sorry kiddo, but that is how it is.

I need to be kinder to myself, I need to work more on what I CAN do, and what I have done. This week despite not feeling at my best I ran around our warehouse scanning pallets, throwing totes of magazines, helping load trucks, pulling parts because things needed to be done. I am able to get things done now because I am healthier, I CAN do this because I grabbed onto hope.

I need to find hope again. I am waiting for results from my CT as scary things roll around my head. The what if’s of my know-too-much from reading all those medical books plug up my brain. I have reached out for help, and reassurance that it isn’t those horrible things, but we never know until answers come in. Too many unknowns make me fear the worst, too much information is as bad as too little.

So I am aiming to find my WYCWYC moments everyday. Even if it is things like parking further away that I already to, it is doing it, and giving credit for it.

So yeah, Do what you can… because if you can’t do it… you can’t! 😉

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