So I am going to skip past a Fitbloggin recap for a bit. I can do what I want, it’s my blog. For those that follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, you have already seen photos of me with celebrities like Mickey Mouse, Jeff Galloway, and Arian Foster. You have seen the never ending stream of selfies with people that mean the world to me. The conference was amazing, I didn’t want to leave. For those outside the FitBloggin Community that want to see my Saturday photos you can check them out on my Flickr Album. This post isn’t going to be about the fun. This post is about reality.
So it’s time to get real honest with myself, and you all. At Fitbloggin this year I showed up at the same weight as last year… maybe even a few pounds heavier. So… what gives? You have all heard me talk time and again over the last few years about my job. Specifically now my former job. I had gone from nearly 450 pounds to 250 pounds… that was before my first fitbloggin. During my first Fitbloggin I was already in a slide. An uncontrolled slide where my job was effecting my eating and exercise. I had gone from spending hours a day in the gym, eating right and making myself a priority or working 10-12 hours a day, eating whatever I could shove into my mouth between phone calls, and not getting a break. I would workout when it was convenient.
In March I steered away from the skid, applied the brakes after regaining what I claimed was about 50, but what was actually closer to 70 or 80 pounds of my weight. back. I was no where near the 450 pounds that I once was but anyone with half a brain could see the writing on the wall. I was unhappy and needed to change.
I started making working out sort-of a priority in my life again, before work I would *try* to get to the gym three days a week. I would *mostly* eat right, and by mostly I mean about 50/50 not 80/20. My body would hurt and I would let myself use it as an excuse. I just renewed my drivers license… and I what exactly what I did when I renewed it 4 years ago. Talk about a wake up call, I know I wasn’t standing still the last four years, but I sure wasn’t making progress.
Last year when I was at Fitbloggin I was mostly a wallflower. I didn’t speak to many people. I was shy when introducing myself. This year I walked up to people head held high and asked for what I wanted. Whether it was a photo, or to join a table for lunch I felt more confident. I was AFWIW (asking for what I wanted).
On Saturday I had a goal for myself… I wanted to hit 200% of my activity goal on my Polar Loop. I knew my eating was going to be slightly off during the next few days. I pushed myself through Yoga, which was at 0600, not really early, then through the Tough Love session… which I really needed. It’s what this post is actually about in the end. Then it was onto Zumba. I had no lunch plans for the day, and so I wandered along the river. Right to the candy shop where I was picking up pralines for some friends back home. I decided that ice cream was the best choice for lunch since I had done so much working out already. I didn’t give it a second thought as I ordered a single scoop of peanut butter ice cream in a waffle cone. I wandered along the river eating my ice cream looking at cars.
When I got back to the hotel all I could think was how glad I was no one saw me eating ice cream! This was a wake up call to myself… I wished I hadn’t eaten that ice cream… not only because the dairy made me all stuffy, but because it was something that wasn’t a good choice for my goals. My results are a direct correlation of my choices. I brushed it off… but wished I had been the recipient of some #ToughLove from some friends there.
Well the numbers don’t lie, this is a screenshot from my Polar Loop iPhone interface. The truth is you can’t out exercise your bad diet choices right? I weigh in on Saturday morning to see how my trip went. I have NEVER in my life had exercise look like that before. In all honesty there is a part of me that knows I am going to have a gain coming out of vacation… not because I ate badly while at Fitbloggin… in fact the ice cream, and a few handfuls of popcorn late at night are probably the worst of any of my indulgences.
Why am I expecting a gain this week then? Because I am now back home… and I can’t get back into my routine! I am sick, I caught the crud that Edith had during our time rooming together. I just want to eat junk, like chicken fingers and fries, and rest. My lung capacity is near nothing right now. I mean, I am puffing albuterol every few hours right now, that’s legit… but the food. c’mon… fries, chicken fingers… NO. Just no.
How long is reasonable to nurse this sickness? …
AFWIW… Help me with a battleplan here! I need to fight! I need to be on track and stay on track… So Kris no more fucking around… no more, got it?! It has to stop unless you want to be 350,400,450 pounds again and feel like you are going to die. Remember how scared you were that no one would be able to carry your casket? Remember being afraid they would have to cut the house open to get you out? Remember having to crawl across the floor because you were in so much pain from everything being wrong with you… because if you want to go back to that, then by all means just give up… and go hit KFC, DQ, and BK and make yourself sick by making yourself sick. The eating out, has got to stop, the Starbucks trips for anything other than a black Americano, the bed time snacks, the skipping the gym it all has to stop. Times are tough, but you are tougher… you know what you want, it is time to go after it, and stick with it. Lead by example. Friends, I need you not to be enablers. Call me on things you see going wrong! You see what I post to instagram or facebook, if you see me heading off the rails, it is okay to speak up! I am asking this of you! Be a friend, not an enabler!