How I Re-Learned to AFWIW at FitBloggin

Sunrise in Savannah

Sunrise in Savannah

So I am going to skip past a Fitbloggin recap for a bit. I can do what I want, it’s my blog. For those that follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, you have already seen photos of me with celebrities like Mickey Mouse, Jeff Galloway, and Arian Foster.  You have seen the never ending stream of selfies with people that mean the world to me. The conference was amazing, I didn’t want to leave. For those outside the FitBloggin Community that want to see my Saturday photos you can check them out on my Flickr Album.  This post isn’t going to be about the fun. This post is about reality.

Fitbloggin Yoga

FitBloggin Yoga with Kia
Photo by CarrieD Photography

So it’s time to get real honest with myself, and you all. At Fitbloggin this year I showed up at the same weight as last year… maybe even a few pounds heavier. So… what gives? You have all heard me talk time and again over the last few years about my job.  Specifically now my former job.  I had gone from nearly 450 pounds to 250 pounds… that was before my first fitbloggin.  During my first Fitbloggin I was already in a slide.  An uncontrolled slide where my job was effecting my eating and exercise.  I had gone from spending hours a day in the gym, eating right and making myself a priority or working 10-12 hours a day, eating whatever I could shove into my mouth between phone calls, and not getting a break.  I would workout when it was convenient.

In March I steered away from the skid, applied the brakes after regaining what I claimed was about 50, but what was actually closer to 70 or 80 pounds of my weight. back.  I was no where near the 450 pounds that I once was but anyone with half a brain could see the writing on the wall. I was unhappy and needed to change.

I started making working out sort-of a priority in my life again, before work I would *try* to get to the gym three days a week.  I would *mostly* eat right, and by mostly I mean about 50/50 not 80/20. My body would hurt and I would let myself use it as an excuse. I just renewed my drivers license… and I what exactly what I did when I renewed it 4 years ago. Talk about a wake up call, I know I wasn’t standing still the last four years, but I sure wasn’t making progress.

FitBloggin TeamLast year when I was at Fitbloggin I was mostly a wallflower.  I didn’t speak to many people.  I was shy when introducing myself.  This year I walked up to people head held high and asked for what I wanted.  Whether it was a photo, or to join a table for lunch I felt more confident.  I was AFWIW (asking for what I wanted).

On Saturday I had a goal for myself… I wanted to hit 200% of my activity goal on my Polar Loop.  I knew my eating was going to be slightly off during the next few days.  I pushed myself through Yoga, which was at 0600, not really early, then through the Tough Love session… which I really needed. It’s what this post is actually about in the end.  Then it was onto Zumba.  I had no lunch plans for the day, and so I wandered along the river.  Right to the candy shop where I was picking up pralines for some friends back home.  I decided that ice cream was the best choice for lunch since I had done so much working out already.  I didn’t give it a second thought as I ordered a single scoop of peanut butter ice cream in a waffle cone.  I wandered along the river eating my ice cream looking at cars.

When I got back to the hotel all I could think was how glad I was no one saw me eating ice cream! This was a wake up call to myself… I wished I hadn’t eaten that ice cream… not only because the dairy made me all stuffy, but because it was  something that wasn’t a good choice for my goals.  My results are a direct correlation of my choices.  I brushed it off… but wished I had been the recipient of some #ToughLove from some friends there.

Polar Loop InterfaceWell the numbers don’t lie, this is a screenshot from my Polar Loop iPhone interface. The truth is you can’t out exercise your bad diet choices right?  I weigh in on Saturday morning to see how my trip went.  I have NEVER in my life had exercise look like that before.  In all honesty there is a part of me that knows I am going to have a gain coming out of vacation… not because I ate badly while at Fitbloggin… in fact the ice cream, and a few handfuls of popcorn late at night are probably the worst of any of my indulgences.

Why am I expecting a gain this week then?  Because I am now back home… and I can’t get back into my routine! I am sick, I caught the crud that Edith had during our time rooming together.  I just want to eat junk, like chicken fingers and fries, and rest.  My lung capacity is near nothing right now.  I mean, I am puffing albuterol every few hours right now, that’s legit… but the food. c’mon… fries, chicken fingers… NO. Just no.

How long is reasonable to nurse this sickness? …

AFWIW… Help me with a battleplan here! I need to fight! I need to be on track and stay on track… So Kris no more fucking around… no more, got it?! It has to stop unless you want to be 350,400,450 pounds again and feel like you are going to die. Remember how scared you were that no one would be able to carry your casket? Remember being afraid they would have to cut the house open to get you out? Remember having to crawl across the floor because you were in so much pain from everything being wrong with you… because if you want to go back to that, then by all means just give up… and go hit KFC, DQ, and BK and make yourself sick by making yourself sick. The eating out, has got to stop, the Starbucks trips for anything other than a black Americano, the bed time snacks, the skipping the gym it all has to stop.  Times are tough, but you are tougher… you  know what you want, it is time to go after it, and stick with it. Lead by example. Friends, I need you not to be enablers. Call me on things you see going wrong! You see what I post to instagram or facebook, if you see me heading off the rails, it is okay to speak up! I am asking this of you! Be a friend, not an enabler!



20 thoughts on “How I Re-Learned to AFWIW at FitBloggin

  1. I’m going to tell you what you already know: Even when you are sick, you can make good food choices. Just because you can’t work out doesn’t mean you have to throw it all out the window. #justtrollin

    Loved getting to hang out with you at Vic’s!

    • So true! I had fruit and soup at lunch, but dinner I was eyeing Mac and cheese because it was easy. Went with cheesy cauliflower instead, but still really not better.
      Got to get it together and get to the store tomorrow no excuses!!

  2. AFWIW-I love it. I’m so going to share that with my WW members this week. I was lucky that I had a roommate at Fitbloggin who was a very good influence. I bought those pralines, too, but because she was there with me, I only bought 2 instead of 4. Which is a really good thing, because I’m pretty sure those things were laced with crack.

  3. I’ve had that thought around town a lot. Owning half of a fitness studio, I freak the hell out about being seen driving through taco bell or having ice cream in my grocery cart. Lol.

    I completely noticed your confidence was different this year. Though I’d never have described you last year as an actual wallflower, this year I saw a difference in how you carried yourself at the conference and I’m so glad we got to spend a little time together.

    • I’m glad we got to spend a bit of time together as well. You’re right perhaps wallflower isn’t the correct term, but I was for sure living in my shell.
      I’m working to carry myself with value because I have value and it seems to be seeping through my thick skull. Imagine that. 😉

  4. I love this! I’ve made Josh be my tough love buddy. It sucks when I really want another bowl of popcorn or Cheerios or whatever but I know he’s doing it because he loves me. I hope you feel better soon!

    • I think check in’s are probably what I need most right now, to make sure I am actually doing what needs to be done an being authentic to my goals. The sad part is I basically lost the 150 the first time mostly alone… I don’t know how to get help… or what help is helpful. Which I guess is a big step at least… knowing that I need help. 🙂

  5. I am 100% here for you darling. I’ll check in on you regularly or send you motivational messages or hell, drive up to MN if you’re having a particularly bad time. I want you to succeed so you are around for years and years and we can grow old being celery together. #tribelove

  6. I absolutely love the AFWIW! It is so tough to do that sometimes.

    I’m the same way when I’m sick. Why do we want to fuel our bodies with food that’s just going to continue to make us feel worse.

    Here’s a great thing to think of when you’re wanting to stuff your face W.A.I.T- Why Am I Tasting? I used to use it often, but it really needs to make a comeback into my life.

    Oh and I will totally drive up with Stephanie! 😉

  7. Check ins are good. Once I get back from Camp Hardrock, I am going to be back on WW and get focused on my fall training.
    I commit to checking in on you! And could use the help myself!

  8. “AFWIW” that is freaking brilliant. Make a plan and stick with it. I know, easier said than done, but excuses will get you nowhere. This goes for using the excuse you are sick to not make good choices. Being sick means your body needs the good shit even MORE. #tribelove

    • For sure! When I/we’re sick we often want all the crap but it’s when our bodies need the good stuff the most. I’ve been feeding my body well since I got back. Lots of soup, nutrient dense stuff, trying to get lots of sleep and exercise when possible but not overstress my body. It’s a balance but I gotta push myself or I’ll fall into the trap!

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