Beginning Day 6

So here I sit, at the car dealer waiting on an oil change. The smell of buttery FREE popcorn lingers in the air mixing with the fat and sugary smell of FREE puffy fluffy doughnuts from a local grocery store. Endless refills of coffee tea and water are at my disposal and I sit tap tap tapping away on my iPad.
Today marks Day Six of what I am in my head labeling my reboot, or reemergence into conrol. Yesterday my wonderful boss bought the whole team lunch, from Chipotle. Yea, Chipotle…. That means free guacamole, yoknow they charge extra for that right?! … Normally I would be beside myself excited for a chance to get my Salad/Bowl on and I wold jump at the chance to have Chipotle,but my lunch was already in the fridge. Just take it home and have it for dinner my coworkers told me. Dinner was already at home in the fridge.
I stood my ground and an ate my pepperjack burger, with sweet potato chili slices, and jicima and drank my water. I avoided eye contact with the guacamole. I won. Do I want Chipotle… yes… will I eat Chipotle again… yes… but did I decide that if I am going to splurge on something off my designated plan right now it should be with y husband.
Free food is EVERYWHERE, and it is a trap. It’s a trap I fall into fom time to time, and I know I have written about before. Whether it is the upsizing of America where for only $.50 more you can get twice as much orthe fact that there is food everywhere. My appointment here at the car dealership this morning I knew was going to be plagued with doughnuts, so I ate before I came, I have my water and coffee with me here at the table, and I have my snack in my bag.
These are habits I have followed all along, but I have fallen away from tracking and measuring. Tracking is SO crucial to success for me… but more than tracking is measuring, and that is where things get so tricky for me. I get so obsessive about things being precise with my measurements. I accelled in science and chemistry because I wanted those things to be SO PRECISE.
I hve been tracking my food intake for six days now, along with food I am working on just rounding measurements. Not grams and quarters of calories and points of grams of fat. I am for the most part trusting nutrition labels to be what they say they are. I am not scooping my Yoplait greek whips yogurt out of the cup to weigh it and make sure it is or isn’t actually the weight and calories it says that it is. (Yes, I am well aware that this is a sign of an eating disorder)
I am working on the very cliche progress not perfection motto right now to get myself back to feeling better. After only just the first, well five full days, I feel like I am already noticing a shift. I am sure that part of this is just the “motivation momentum” and the commitment part will still have to kick in. But I am really afraid that I am going to slide back to where I was back in 2009 if I don’t start to turn things around. I want to be the Kris from 2011 before I made the deision to take the “job from hell” that really led to my fall from grace.

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