Today I am a Runner

Yes, just last night I sat at a table with Jen, a priorfatgirl and said I was not a runner.  Today my tune has changed.  No I have not yet completed c25k.  I did clear a hurdle which I never completed before though.  I finished week 4!  I did all three days of it!!! Freakin AMAZEBALLS!!!! I mean, let’s be honest here for a moment, holy flippin cow!

As I drove to the gym this morning I was nervous.  I didn’t have nervous tummy or anything but the nerves of my impending run were starting to weigh on my mind.  I told myself I had done this run twice before and it was no big deal.  I was sadly the FOURTH person checked in at the gym this morning.  Such a slacker.  I signed up for my machine and away I went.

As I got to my last interval I reached for my dumbphone… as in not smart phone I sent the saved text that it was my last interval for the set and I knew I was almost done.  I ran my little heart out thinking about how proud my family would be of how far I have come.  I thought about people in my lives who had passed away… sadly there has been a lot of death around my friends and I lately.  Perhaps it is the time of year, but as the woman on my app said One minute remaining I grinned knowing “I got this!”

The “cooldown” kicked in with the app, which I don’t generally do because I have more working out to do, and I looked out into the darkness of the morning to see rain falling from the sky dancing in the lights of the parking lot.  It felt like those raindrops were full of emotion for me.  A release, a gift from above to remind me to keep going.  After about 90 seconds of walk… I hit the 1.5 mile mark on the treadmill and I did the self inventory and at that moment I knew it was time.

I sped the treadmill back up to my “run” speed.  Now with my short little legs my maintainable run speed is 3.6.  I can sprint at 4.2, but running is 3.6… so I keyed 3.6 and hit enter…. and away I went. #c25k counted down and finished itself off and I figured it grooving to my tunes, feeling the rhythm in my body and I ran.

I let my feet pound of the deck of the treadmill planning only to run until I was tired of running or my body was ready to give up.  Then it happened… that thing… that only seems to happen to other people.  I didn’t stop running at .1 or .25  when .5 came around the emotions started welling up inside of me.  (in fact I am getting a little emotional right now!) My body was ready to be pushed, ready for a challenge.  I kept running and I ran the entire mile.  That is right… I RAN A MILE!!! Today I became that person.

As I neared that last tenth of a mile I have to admit I started to get scared, mostly because I was doing it.  I wasn’t too tired, I felt like I could do more.  I wanted to push myself farther.  However I am bad about knowing my limits at times and I don’t want to overdo it.  I also was feeling fearful that once I stopped I would never be able to do it again.  What if this was a fluke?  What if I can never run again?

I left the gym and wanted to call and text everyone I know!  I wanted to text Ann and tell her right away because she has really been behind my running since before I did my first 5k but I didn’t want to wake her up… but this morning really changed something inside me.  I can feel it.

Today I became a runner.