Gaining… a foothold.

So here I sit, it is almost 5am.  My neck and back are sore, my body aches, but we are coming to an understanding.  Since Saturday I have been to the gym (well including Saturday) 4 times.  I have had FOUR 45 minute water walking sessions in the vortex pool.  This isn’t just regular water walking, this is against the current.  One of them I have had company for, one I had the pool all to myself for.  I find myself mostly just counting my steps to about 110 then realizing I am just counting and then trying to focus on something else, and then find I am counting again.  It isn’t bad, it is just a thing.  Yesterday I focused hard on the things that are super difficult for me since the vortex was mostly empty for the 45 minutes I had available.  Walking backwards, with my pelvis/spine properly aligned, not hyper extending my knees, and with good posture.  I would do a few laps of that, then do some sideways focusing on trying to get my feet to orient the “normal” way.  My hips aren’t normal, and that contributes to some of my back issues.  It is all connected, and I can clearly see that with my body.  When the problems start below the percolate up, just as water drips through coffee grounds to make things change.

I already feel like I am regaining a bit of strength as I return to the water.  Perhaps it is all in my head, perhaps my body knows that I am not ready to give up this fight.  I have always done my best work in the water.  After all I could swim before I could walk (#Waterbabies4life!) The water was always good for my fibro, and its the safest place for my ehlers-danlos.  I am not going to rush myself onto land anytime soon.  While I feel pressures to try and workout with my friends, and make my workouts and schedules match theirs, I know that this isn’t about anyone but me.  I have to do what works for me, for my schedule, I live a crazy life, it is hard.  The more I flex my schedule the harder it is on my body and I can’t do that.  I can’t keep up. This is my reality.

I am grateful this week that I finally got to have dinner with a friend whom I had not sat down to talk with since last January.  He and I went out to dinner at Matt’s Bar.  (Home of the not diet friendly JucyLucy!) A Burger stuffed with cheese! I counted my points all day long, and I did just fine.  The burger was awesome, the company made it even better.  I laughed, I nearly cried, nothing shot out of noses, not even boogers THANK GOD! We are going to try and work on a more frequent than once a year catch-up session.  (I can only hope for this, as hard as it is to see some of my friends, this guy is the hardest one to nail down it seems!)

So I feel like this week so far has been a success, I am getting the swing of things and moving forward with my progress back into the swing of exercise.  I do have a 5k walk on the books for July.  I signed up for the Minneapolis Color Run, I plan to walk it, as we discovered running is quite possibly the worst thing for me.  (Maybe speed walking?)  I wanted a goal on the books, other than the obesity 5k in April with Gary from Charities Challenge. So yep, that’s where things stand!

Happy Thursday! 🙂


So how goes it?

Its been a few weeks with no updates in Kris land and I’m pretty sure most of you have come to expect large gaps in my writing, as it’s the nature of the ebb and flow of my busy life anymore. 
I figure while I had a small bit of downtime today while I am off enjoying the holiday I would share that I have broken through the 10+ pound loss mark with Weight Watchers. Yay! I am working the program without fighting it. I’m eating the points like I am supposed to, even ocassionally dipping into my weekly ones for a special ocassion.
The working out is a major sticking point, I’ve been diagnosed with what they are calling plantar faisciatis, and likely a nasty bone spur in my left foot. Its bad, real bad… anything over about 10 mins on my feet and I’m in pain.  Not work through it pain, that’s what got me to this point ignoring it and working through in.  So I’m icing and stretching and doing home pt for it and ill go back for a reevaluation in a while.
Fibro-fog has been really bad these last few days. It has been effecting me worse than I ever recall, I missed my exit for home yesterday while driving, and several other exits over the last few days. Its bad. The wrong words are coming out, words that are close but not right.  Its horribly embarassing amd horribly frustrating.  It makes me isolate myself from people to avoid saying something wrong and embarassing myself. I know it will pass but its just hard.  I’m working on planning meals for the week, atleast one new recipie a week had been my goal, this last week I ate the same thing like 4 days in a row just because it was easy and I couldn’t mess it up.
So here I am on my day off hiding out in the dark, afraid my brain has turned to mush for good, but atleast ill be healther and mushy!
More updates from a coherant person soon I promise!

Can’t Won’t Don’t

So after my ground breaking revelation, “What If I Am Enough?” comes the scary part.  Some of you may say well what is so scary about that right?  Well, if you are truly enough, that means you are doing your best right?  Living your best life as it were.  Giving it your all, 100% really pouring your heart into things, and feeling good about it. 

At this point in life we all have a list of cants piled up right?  I can’t do this or that because of XYZ.  When was the last time you took a good heartfelt soul-searching look at that list?  Do all of those items REALLY belong on that list?  I have been examining my list of can’t over the course of my journey.  Each time I face a challenge I throw up this wall that says I can’t do that.  Oh a 5k I can’t do that.  What happened in May and again in June? I did that!  Oh I can’t ride a bike, became I couldn’t ride a bike. 

Ladies and gents, can’t are often mis-filed wont’s and don’t.  For a long time I said I can’t eat fish, because it is gross!  Eww Yuck!  In this last year I have undergone a transformation and now I crave it.  That CAN’T was a won’t and a don’t.  However I can’t eat walnuts, because they can kill me due to a food allergy.  Not that is a can’t. 

When I went to Mariah’s triathlon last weekend, wow it has been a week already, I said I can’t do this.  I came up with a list of reasons why and she looked at me and saw through my line of bullshit.  She called me on it too!  I love that about people, call me on that stuff, I call people on theirs, so please call me on mine!  My I can’t attitude about the Tri is really a don’t, I don’t do tri’s because they are hard, they are a lot of work, and I KNOW that in the end I will likely end up in a fibro flare.  Shhh!!! Don’t tell Mariah, I am planning on Tri-ing next years YWCA Triathlon.  Even if I finish last, atleast I can say I did it!

So I challenge you to do what I am doing and that is evaluate everything you are saying that you can’t do.  Why can’t you do it.  Is it a mental barrier?  Is it a physical barrier?  Beat down those walls and truly look inside of yourself and examine what is going on.  Perhaps there are things that you just WON’T do, and that is okay.  We are all adults, okay well most of us, there may be some kidlets reading this and that is okay.  We get to control our lives.  Make that list, its okay, but someday those wont’s might just become don’ts, and you may want to give them a try! 

Remember a closed-door is a missed opportunity, and it never knocks twice!  So kick down the door yell #RAWR!!! and go after what it is that you really want out of this life!

Oh and don’t forget to enter my Giveaway!

Multiple System Failure aka Pity Party!

So I have days that should be dubbed Multiple System Failure days.  Things in my body just don’t seem to work.  Everyday is a struggle for me, to get out of bed, to do the things I need to do.  For those of you that don’t know me, I have a long laundry list of medical problems.  The one that tops the list is Fibromyalgia and some days it is complicated by a genetic disorder called Ehlers-danlos Syndrome

Many of the drugs for Fibro cause weight gain so I have been advised to steer clear of those.  Given this, my course of treatment is, low impact exercise (mostly water-based) anti-inflammitory drugs and an ocassional pain pill.  Some days I am fine, others not-so-much. 

One of the biggest thing I need to remember is that I have to remember to practice my Joint Protective Meaures.  When I wake up in the morning I snap crackle and pop more than a bowl of rice crispies! I grunt and groan as things pop and shift back into place.  Some days I just forget that I need to consciously keep my joints from hyperextending.  Some days they just plain give out.  I went to step out of bed today, as I do every morning, to start my day and Wham! Hyperextended knee.  PAIN! This on top of a flare of pain from my fibro has left me at home today waiting for the pain-killer to kick in.  Tylenol first, which didn’t touch anything.  Then something stronger. 

It really makes me feel like a failure when I have days like today.  I had every intention of doing a lot today!  I was supposed to workout, return a pie-plate, stop by and donate some toys and pet-food at thing, and what did I do… sit at home being bitchy and ice-ing down my knee. 

So what can I do to stop being so negative?  All I can think about are all the things I did not do today because I did not really DO anything today.  So now I sit in pain, wallowing in a miserable funk.  Spiralling downward.  This SUCKS!!!