Feedback Because I’m Still #JustTrollin

So… Fitbloggin is over… back to the real world. Work, life, love, relationships, friendships, be them old or new everything in my life falls under the microscope when I return.  Every morsel that enters my field of vision is being scrutinized extra carefully.  THIS is honestly part of what I look forward to coming back from Fitbloggin.

At the conference so many of us talk about having out batteries “charged” or “recharged” I think of it as being supercharged… and with the creation of #justtrollin and #tribelove I hope that it will allow the charge to last just a bit longer.  I know it wont extend the selfie-shelf life or bring the warmth of the amazing hugs along with it but it might just keep the lazer focus.

Focus… something that I need.  I have heard from several people who read the blog in my offline life, that don’t comment (or rarely do so) that they feel the empowerment that is coming from this blog right now.  The trick is going to be keeping up with it.

I am SO THRILLED it seems that those around me that read my last #JustTrollin blog understood what was going on.  They understood that what I am asking for is to be called on the bull that is going on.  I want to be held accountable.  I don’t want to order something healthy then eat the fries off your plate and have you say, oh its okay… a bite wont hurt you.  I don’t want someone telling me you deserve a treat you worked out, or you need to treat yourself… I need someone reminding me that those things aren’t getting me closer to my goals.

It isn’t that I don’t know that the cupcake is not a great choice, even if it fits within the calorie or weight watchers plan for the day… but there are better choices. It isn’t that I can NEVER have the fries, but I need to be responsible for the decision to have them not take them off someone else’s plan. It seems like people are getting on board with this. Those that aren’t understanding this… well… your relationship with me may have to be put on lockdown… just like those treat days.

The thing about this blog is, since I took the job change that led to my weight gain I did nothing but bitch about what the problem was. I bitched about what I couldn’t get to work. I whined and complained that things were hard and I didn’t have time. Well you know what life is hard and we have changed the situation.

I am no longer in that job, and while I am starting to have progress I am still not giving 100% to what is actually one of my top priorities. I am okay with the fact that one of my priorities is to lose weight. I am okay being selfish in wanting to not be fat anymore… more than not wanting to be fat I just want to feel good. I want to feel “healthy”.

I don’t want my blog to be a reflection of a big whiner that just makes excuses. As Dan pointed out at the welcome mixer, I have a story. I have the confidence to overcome the obstacles that have been placed in my way over and over again. If I can’t go over them I have gone under, or around or even through them.

Why should my weight be any different… well the truth is it isn’t any different. I guess I am again calling myself out in this post for half assing too much of my life. The last two Saturdays I have broken some major walls down in my own active life as far as steps and actual amounts of activity go.

I plan on being active tomorrow, (July 5th) It is going to be hot, and gross, but Sunday (July 6th) is my birthday… I will be 33, and it is time to celebrate another year entering it strong and feeling empowered. The time to feel like a victim for my circumstances has come and gone.

I am leading by example, for myself, for my friends, and for the people who I don’t know. I will not end up a statistic. I will not be someone people have to mourn and miss because I died too young. The time is now.

 

 

FitBloggin14… The Short Short Version.

Sunrise in Savannah

“Minimize the regrets in your own life by doing everything with intention.”

Those words were the first of many pebbles of wisdom that rained down on me during Fitbloggin14.  They did not come from a fellow blogger, or sponsor.  They did not find their way into my mind from a yoda meditation or a workout… they came from my cab driver “Bunny Man” on my way to the hotel on Thursday shortly after landing in Savannah.

I wanted to recap my Fitbloggin post with #ALLTHEPHOTOS since last year I took a grand total of three photos… Sad right?  This year I took 400+ photos on Saturday with an SLR that are over on Flickr.  I like to think of these as my gift back to my Fitbloggin family.  So many people leave having not taken photos other than selfies.  I never got to complete the walk I started on Thursday (the beginning of that album) on Sunday due to just being drained of all my energy from lack of sleep.

I did however manage to be part of TONS of selfies!!! the proof is in the pudding….

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Those photos are in no particular order… and I am sure I am missing a few photos there… it is so hard to wrap up so much amazingness with a nice neat little bow.  It just doesn’t happen.

Perhaps a highlight reel?

  • Nearly putting Alan through the glass doors in the lobby for a hug
  • Conga Line during ice breakers the first night
  • French Macaroons & Starbucks with Kenlie
  • MICKEY MOUSE in the HOUSE!!!
  • Yoga where I cried
  • Zumba where I cried
  • Tough Love where we established #JustTrollin and #TribeLove
  • Ignite- All of it, from Dre’s rap to Gerri sharing so much with us about Roni
  • Finding my Celery Stalker had been in my bed while I was out of the room!! #CrisperDrawerLove
  • JeffGalloway when I cried telling him about Margaret, and he just let me ramble on.
  • Discovering I don’t like pralines, but I do still love popcorn!
  • ALL THE HUGS
  • ALL THE SELFIES
  • ALL THE FRIENDS
  • ALL THE EVERYTHING!

I miss everyone… It was a rough journey getting back home from Savannah. Many tears were shed leaving the hotel. I am thankful Erin was willing to chat with the chatty cab driver because I wasn’t up for anything except holding everything inside.  DubyaWife, Erin and I encountered some plane trouble.  It made me miss my connection… I got the last open seat on the red eye back to Minneapolis… and barely made it onto that flight.  Erin ended up having to stay another night… but that is her story to tell.

I am already looking forward to Fitbloggin15, my eyes are on Denver. My goals are to me SMALLER, STRONGER, FITTER, and just as Fabulous by the time I see many of the people I met. I have plans to hopefully reconnect with several of my friends before a year has passed, as we all focus on living with intention and being more authentic in our intentions.

Start saving your dollars now… you wont want to miss out on Denver, I don’t want to be sending you a “wish you were” here postcard or linger in the sunrise sipping coffee thinking of you.

How I Re-Learned to AFWIW at FitBloggin

Sunrise in Savannah

Sunrise in Savannah

So I am going to skip past a Fitbloggin recap for a bit. I can do what I want, it’s my blog. For those that follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, you have already seen photos of me with celebrities like Mickey Mouse, Jeff Galloway, and Arian Foster.  You have seen the never ending stream of selfies with people that mean the world to me. The conference was amazing, I didn’t want to leave. For those outside the FitBloggin Community that want to see my Saturday photos you can check them out on my Flickr Album.  This post isn’t going to be about the fun. This post is about reality.

Fitbloggin Yoga

FitBloggin Yoga with Kia
Photo by CarrieD Photography

So it’s time to get real honest with myself, and you all. At Fitbloggin this year I showed up at the same weight as last year… maybe even a few pounds heavier. So… what gives? You have all heard me talk time and again over the last few years about my job.  Specifically now my former job.  I had gone from nearly 450 pounds to 250 pounds… that was before my first fitbloggin.  During my first Fitbloggin I was already in a slide.  An uncontrolled slide where my job was effecting my eating and exercise.  I had gone from spending hours a day in the gym, eating right and making myself a priority or working 10-12 hours a day, eating whatever I could shove into my mouth between phone calls, and not getting a break.  I would workout when it was convenient.

In March I steered away from the skid, applied the brakes after regaining what I claimed was about 50, but what was actually closer to 70 or 80 pounds of my weight. back.  I was no where near the 450 pounds that I once was but anyone with half a brain could see the writing on the wall. I was unhappy and needed to change.

I started making working out sort-of a priority in my life again, before work I would *try* to get to the gym three days a week.  I would *mostly* eat right, and by mostly I mean about 50/50 not 80/20. My body would hurt and I would let myself use it as an excuse. I just renewed my drivers license… and I what exactly what I did when I renewed it 4 years ago. Talk about a wake up call, I know I wasn’t standing still the last four years, but I sure wasn’t making progress.

FitBloggin TeamLast year when I was at Fitbloggin I was mostly a wallflower.  I didn’t speak to many people.  I was shy when introducing myself.  This year I walked up to people head held high and asked for what I wanted.  Whether it was a photo, or to join a table for lunch I felt more confident.  I was AFWIW (asking for what I wanted).

On Saturday I had a goal for myself… I wanted to hit 200% of my activity goal on my Polar Loop.  I knew my eating was going to be slightly off during the next few days.  I pushed myself through Yoga, which was at 0600, not really early, then through the Tough Love session… which I really needed. It’s what this post is actually about in the end.  Then it was onto Zumba.  I had no lunch plans for the day, and so I wandered along the river.  Right to the candy shop where I was picking up pralines for some friends back home.  I decided that ice cream was the best choice for lunch since I had done so much working out already.  I didn’t give it a second thought as I ordered a single scoop of peanut butter ice cream in a waffle cone.  I wandered along the river eating my ice cream looking at cars.

When I got back to the hotel all I could think was how glad I was no one saw me eating ice cream! This was a wake up call to myself… I wished I hadn’t eaten that ice cream… not only because the dairy made me all stuffy, but because it was  something that wasn’t a good choice for my goals.  My results are a direct correlation of my choices.  I brushed it off… but wished I had been the recipient of some #ToughLove from some friends there.

Polar Loop InterfaceWell the numbers don’t lie, this is a screenshot from my Polar Loop iPhone interface. The truth is you can’t out exercise your bad diet choices right?  I weigh in on Saturday morning to see how my trip went.  I have NEVER in my life had exercise look like that before.  In all honesty there is a part of me that knows I am going to have a gain coming out of vacation… not because I ate badly while at Fitbloggin… in fact the ice cream, and a few handfuls of popcorn late at night are probably the worst of any of my indulgences.

Why am I expecting a gain this week then?  Because I am now back home… and I can’t get back into my routine! I am sick, I caught the crud that Edith had during our time rooming together.  I just want to eat junk, like chicken fingers and fries, and rest.  My lung capacity is near nothing right now.  I mean, I am puffing albuterol every few hours right now, that’s legit… but the food. c’mon… fries, chicken fingers… NO. Just no.

How long is reasonable to nurse this sickness? …

AFWIW… Help me with a battleplan here! I need to fight! I need to be on track and stay on track… So Kris no more fucking around… no more, got it?! It has to stop unless you want to be 350,400,450 pounds again and feel like you are going to die. Remember how scared you were that no one would be able to carry your casket? Remember being afraid they would have to cut the house open to get you out? Remember having to crawl across the floor because you were in so much pain from everything being wrong with you… because if you want to go back to that, then by all means just give up… and go hit KFC, DQ, and BK and make yourself sick by making yourself sick. The eating out, has got to stop, the Starbucks trips for anything other than a black Americano, the bed time snacks, the skipping the gym it all has to stop.  Times are tough, but you are tougher… you  know what you want, it is time to go after it, and stick with it. Lead by example. Friends, I need you not to be enablers. Call me on things you see going wrong! You see what I post to instagram or facebook, if you see me heading off the rails, it is okay to speak up! I am asking this of you! Be a friend, not an enabler!

 

 

FitBloggin Saturday Night At A Glance

Here is just a small sampling of what is to come when I recap my FitBloggin’ 14 experience.  I wanted everyone to see how amazing Saturday night was… I cannot say it enough… Start saving for Denver… it will IGNITE a change in your life!

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There are another 400+ photos on Flickr…

Saying Thanks

So I spoke up in my Weight Watchers meeting today. I do that a lot. My meeting is full of amazing people. You wouldn’t think at 0700 on a Saturday morning people would be so lively but truly the meeting is awesome! The thing about the first meeting of the day on a Saturday is the people who are at the meeting… really want to be there and are truly motivated to, well… get shit done. I am a front row sitter. Studies show people who sit in the front row lose more weight… that isn’t why I sit in the front row… I just like it better there, and I didn’t know about the statistic when I started sitting in the front row. I am always so thankful for all the information all the members have, and I like giving back to my meetings when I feel like I have something valuable to share.
Today we were talking about “BLT’s” bites licks and tastes, but more specifically being accountable for them. I felt the need to bring the group off on a momentary tangent on accountability. Specifically not taking your team for granted. I had gotten myself into a routine with my new job of going to the gym 3 times a week. I had been eating well, and then… they closed our pool for cleaning. This shouldn’t be a big deal they do it every year, and the nice part a about being a YMCA member is I have other locations I can go to.
Instead of going to another location I started just walking as my workout. While it was an okay thing, when the pool opened back up I didn’t head back immediately. It took a nudge, a strong nudge from my support team to get me to get back into my routine.
Once I got back to the gym, after one strong push, Robb said he had hoped that I wasn’t upset that he said I needed to get back to the gym and that he was only doing what I had asked him to do. It was in that moment that I realized how very crucial it is that we thank our support teams when they step up for us. When we ask for help we do so for our benefit. It’s easy to forget that it can be very difficult for those close to us to step into the “danger zone” and mention things that may be deemed sensitive subjects.
For me things like portion control or going to workout when mentioned by people I haven’t explicitly asked to help keep me accountable might be enough to turn me into a raging bitch! It would make me feel vulnerable and violated. When approached by someone I have deemed safe and supportive it puts things in a different light.
I wanted to remind others to thank their support people and not take them for granted. It can be difficult for people to speak up even when we ask them to do so. Just keep this in mind as you move along. If your support person/persons are mentioning things to you, make sure you are thanking them, because speaking up is hard!

Fitbloggin is Days Away!

OMG!! Fitbloggin is days away! The excitement is building inside of me, but I am trying to keep it quelled. I have not set my sights yet on my one don’t miss thing in Savannah like I did last year. Last year was my first Fitbloggin. I was a ball of hundreds of feelings. Portland was a great experience. It was a culmination of so many things that actually led me to be reunited with my cousins whom I had not seen in basically half my lifetime. I was set to travel with friends last year, we had flights booked together and things started changing and I ended up flying out on a flight alone. It was fine, I wore my branded shirt in hopes of someone approaching me at the airport, because I was destined to spend the first several hours alone… or so I thought.

I was so blessed that Brooke approached me at the airport. Turns out she was on my flight! We rode to the hotel together, and bummed around the city a bit. We bumped into bloggers in the lobby that I was stunned to find out knew who I was. I don’t expect anyone to know who I am this year, nor did I last year.

This year my original roommates have had to sadly cancel. I luckily was able to join forces with Liz and will be sharing a room with her for the duration of the trip. (which means I get baby-holder dibs!!) I will miss so many of the wonderful people that won’t be making it this year that I bonded with last year. I know situations aren’t always ideal to get away. Family, work, costs all effect being able to get to the family reunion. Know if you aren’t there this year, you are being carried in peoples hearts, truly. You will be missed.

To those that are coming for the first time this year, please come find me. Last year I was so scared to branch out and say hello to people. I stuck close to those I knew, and I Was afraid to approach people for fear of it being clique-ish. What I quickly came to learn is everyone is so wonderful! We all have stories, and the more you talk to people, the more you are going to want to get to know people! I hope to make more of an effort to engage with people this time, however there is only so much time.

Be prepared to laugh and cry. Be prepared to feel things you didn’t expect. Be ready to try new things and step out of your comfort zone. Be open to opportunities this is a safe place. Be prepared for “the hangover” which isn’t alcohol, but a desire to be with your tribe.

Look for me, and I will look for you, be warned I won’t remember your name. I am horrible with names. I may address you by your twitter handle or blog name. Be in photos! I barely took any last year, this year I want photos and lots of them. Experience the event, and take it in in whatever way you do.

Tweet me/DM me, friend me via the Facebook group and I will give you my cell number to text me if you are worried you won’t have someone to talk to or sit with.

It’s time to dig out those suitcases kids! Kris is Coming to Savannah!

Staycation Recovery

So I spent the weekend indulging in treats I don’t usually have. Steak dinners, ice cream (custard actually), a breakfast burrito with bacon and avocado, and I wonder (ok not really) why I am craving carbs and sugar the last two days. Ok not really. Combined with hormones and bad nutrition I set myself up for this.
It doesn’t happen often, and it was a wonderful weekend. Nothing like celebrating all the things that make and made my life here awesome. A small impromptu breakfast with a few friends on Saturday after my 10k, which turned out to be 6.7 miles once I cooled down. A nice romantic dinner out on Saturday night. A movie at a theater I had never been to on Sunday morning, followed by a fun afternoon of silliness at MOA and a night relaxing at the Radisson Blue. (Talk about swanky!)
I am so exhausted right now, sheer reliance on caffeine is what is keeping me upright at my desk. I feel like I need a vacation to recover from my staycation. Crazy right?

Either way here I am… I had a nice weekend… but I am ready to get back into a focused mindset.

Oh here are my two fave photos from the weekend…
WonderWoman10k

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