And they lived happily ever after.

Thats where the blog ends folks. Or so I was deeply contemplating. I mean, after the termination of my job just before the wedding my footing was shaken. Deeply shaken. I wondered, no I vocalized to my now husband that I had made a mistake in leaving my old job, you know that job the one that sent my healthy lifestyle backward.
I was jumping, spreading my wings trying to follow through on the goal that I had set for myself with my 2014 word of the year. Do you remember that word? Honor… It’s been ringing through my mind the last week or so since it is time to either set a goal, make a resolution or pick a new word for the year.
Looking back at 2014 did I do enough to deem my year a “success” and who would be the final judge of that. I left the job where I was not being challenged in a way that was positive. The job I was in on January 1, 2014 was one that was not a positive one for me in many ways. It was slowly killing me, mentally, physically, emotionally. I jumped, and didn’t land in a place that was the right fit unfortunately. Did that mean that I wasn’t honoring myself or was I still honoring myself because I continued to fight to find something new, instead of jut going back to what I knew? Was I tempted to return to my old ways? Yes, mildly and for the wrong reasons.
I pushed forward in 2014, searching for a job where I would be part of something bigger, where there would be value placed on my suggestions. I found a job with a company where I am happy, and I feel that I will be able to make a career for myself. A company with values that match mine and a mission and vision that I can support.
In 2014 I of course got married, Robb and I fortified our now 10 years together surrounded by friends and family. We weren’t very traditional about it. We brought together our families, because it was important to them to be there, and our chosen family because it was important for us to have them here. Laughter was what I wanted most from our day, and bacon… both of which were plentiful that September morning.

So why the though of leaving the blog behind? I have kind of lost my voice during the last year. I have been so focused on trying to honor myself, I have felt that I didn’t need to share as much. That said, January 3, 2015 would have been the 3rd anniversary of my taking the job that I think was the biggest backward step in my healthy journey. I need to go back to square one as I can feel my health, what is left of it slipping away from me.

In November I got another medical diagnosis, PCOS. Not surprised, it was always lurking in the background, likely made worse by the rapid weight loss that happened before. So I need to start meal planning, exercise, water all of it. It all needs to start again and if I become obsessive I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

So in the trend of New Years Posts… and being undecided about how much I will blog 2015’s word of the year is not a word, but a phrase. Make choices based in intention not from habit.

Happy 2015 friends!

Unstable Footing

So yesterday my contract ended at work. It ended early, but it wasn’t due to anything other than there being no more work. The writing was on the wall in the last week or two, as tasks wrapped up and nothing new was available to work on. It still stings to pack up your desk and have to start the job search again, however I am doing my best to stay positive.
I sent a HELP ME text out to my friend Liz when I got the news, as well as a few other friends to help me numb the blow. I was reaching for support, I reached out to my network, and I was so thankful that despite my newfound unstable footing I had people to turn to that could reassure me I will again land on my feet.
I know I will land on my feet, I always do. I have started and restarted my life before. I jumped into this last job knowing that it was a contract and it would end, but I wasn’t sure when. Robb is very concerned with our upcoming wedding that our lives are about to fall apart. Bills are about to come in for things like the caterer, and a few other things, but I know we will be okay.
I have been a on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for the last, well 24-hours now. I think it’s okay to feel the feelings. I did go off the rails a little bit last night, and didn’t track my food. Dinner included a cupcake and a big bowl of rice. No protein, no veggies, all carbs and crap. I didn’t care I just wanted the sugar rush. I acknowledged what I was doing, while I was doing it.
I am allowing myself to feel the feelings, grieve the loss of the job, but I am also already pounding the pavement for a new position. I am not completely sure what I want to do with my life. I have the information for a career counselor and I have a book on hold that was suggested to me about figuring out what I want to do. I KNOW I am going to be okay, that Robb and I will be okay. Jobs come and go and that I have the talent and the drive to succeed.
I know however that life is unstable right now. I feel fear, and hope for the future. I very much know that with one door closing others are opening I just need to look for the light. I keep looking for the light and I plan to do so.