Another old Facebook Note, August 11, 2010 at 3:12pm

So Kris what makes the diet or lifestyle change really work this time.
It is really could be any number of things that are hard to pinpoint. It seems like an easy enough question to answer but in all actuality I have struggled for so long to get my health under control that it truly is remarkable.
A big turning point for me this time was that I finally had someone looking for answers with me. The chronic pain that I had been fighting for years the lack of energy the inability to do anything, someone was finally willing to listen to me and treat me as a whole person.
Imagine that. Treating someone as a whole person not just looking at them and diagnosing from preconceptions. Big city medicine.
I know I have a form of an eating disorder. I have had food issues forever, but overeating wasn’t my problem. I fear food. So having doctors that are now willing to listen to me talk about my eating habits and can tell me that certain things are my stumbling blocks are amazing, but really it’s been a pretty solitary journey to find what works for me.
The food journaling is amazing. That has been one of the biggest things that has made things stick this time. I am holding myself to a higher standard. I make myself record everything before I eat, mostly because if I don’t I worry I will forget.

I would be a liar if I didn’t say that there wasn’t a vanity component to wanting to lose weight. I was getting too big. I knew I looked awful. But I think the biggest tipping point was I was truly tired of feeling as though I wad entombed in my body.

Do you know what it is like to feel trapped in your own body? To feel like you have been sentenced to death but you have to spend the time until you die in this body that you can’t do anything in.

I wanted to live, in the last five years a lot of things have changed in my life. I am not the same person I was when I moved from PA. I had watched so much of my life pass by for so long. Even though I am so young I had missed so much.

So I started with tiny goals in mind, I figured like all other things I would fail, but what I wanted was to feel better! So physical therapy counted as exercise, since I had never done much working out and baby-steps

I still don’t actually believe I am doing it. Can you believe that? Here I am doing it, doing it well but I still have a hard time with it.

I follow a lot of blogs to keep me inspired, or catch tips and tricks, but apparently I am the person people want to hear from now.

As the days have passed with calorie tracking and working out it has gotten easier. I find it easier to workout alone, which is almost sad. While I like company at the gym I get a better workout alone. I can push myself just a bit more and focus just a but deeper when I am really intense.

I have discovered that I LOVE exercise. Who knew? It’s a serious rush! I crave the burn from the machines the swear dripping down my neck. I love the cool water if the pool the rush if the water as it rushes past me in the pool and the long stretch in the muscles as I stretch out into yoga poses after my workouts. So success is finding exercise that you love! I adore the elliptical and the pool sooo much. The bike is fun too and walking isn’t bad either.

I am not used to my body yet. It’s like a new friend you just aren’t quite sure what you can do. You get surprised from time to time. My hip bones poke out now when I lay down even though I still have a fat tummy.

I need to learn to embrace my changing body. That is a truly difficult task. I don’t know how that is going to go.

I do have a really good support system thus time. That helps. Robb is wonderful he has just been so amazing. His family has also been incredible. My family has been great too. I’ve been getting support from places and people I never knew would give support before.

I find as my… I want to call it power level but whatever it is rises I am drawing more support more strength. The quality of the support is getting better as I improve as well.

Taken from a Facebook Note Dated Monday, August 9, 2010 at 2:07am

.Latest question on a blog I have been on for 10 years feels very relevant. what do you do when you give advice and people don’t take it, then wonder why the problem persists?
Hmmm… Stop offering advice You can show someone the door 50 times 50 ways to Sunday but they still have to open it and walk through it on their own.
Big changes take Little steps and big leaps. You have to be ready to feel the impact of your fall. You will fall, whether it’s across the finish line or at the starting gate your ass is going to stumble and trip and drag, but only you can make that decision to keep pushing on. Yes there is support, but YOU have to be the one to do it to know you did it. You can’t keep making excuses forever and expect that to fix things.

Maybe I’ve become jaded from years of pain and being told everything was because of my weight only to find out there was more to it. You won’t find me sitting around making excuses about it. I’m fighting for every moment I get. I walk through those doors. I am taking those opportunities. I will not miss out on things because I can’t walk far enough or I can’t swim fast enough or I can’t meet the weight Limit. I hate seeing people ignore opportunities that are so blatantly being given to them. Stop watching your life and live stop waiting!!! Live!!! Life is moving past you!!!

No Excuses.
I don’t spout Suck it up Princess all the time to be funny. I live those words. I am a princess and I suck it up every damn day. I have high expectations of everyone in this life and higher of myself. So you better keep up because I move fast!

Taken From a FaceBook Note Monday, June 28, 2010 at 6:39am

So it’s been almost a year now since I was at my all time highest weight ever. Pushing the scales at over 400 pounds it was a death sentence. I was living, no existing, in a tomb that was my body.
I got tired of being sick and tired and have started to change my life. I started changing things before I got to my worst but it has to get worse to get better. So here I sit on my journey… 100 pounds from where I was. Back in clothes I have not fit into since high school.
I feel like the same person, I think most days I look the same as I did 100+ pounds ago, but then I hear myself speak, to others and to myself. I hear myself share my journey, and my knowledge and tips or tricks and I see that I have indeed changed. I am still Kris, but I am also someone who has found something valuable finally that I can share with others within myself, that costs nothing to give and can really make a difference.