Catching Zzz’s and the Fourth Meal!

One of the things I neglected to post about yesterday was that among the things Cassie spoke about on Saturday was how crucial sleep is for each and every one of us. Especially for weight loss. As many of you know I work some pretty crazy hours, right? I get up at 0300 in the morning M-F and work 0400-1400 (meaning I am in the office at 0345, because I start on time, knowing what is going on and if my relief is on time I finish at 1400, rarely do I get my feet out the door of the office before 1415) this means I spend 10+ hours a day at work. How much time does this leave for the rest of my “life” In short, not much. I used to work nights, and I kept a crazy schedule, sleeping when everyone else in the world was awake… I used to have sleep apnea and slept, and even napped with my CPAP on. It didn’t take long for me to realize just how crucial sleep was in my life. Being behind the wheel for my job as a driver meant i could be putting others at risk if I was drowsy.

Did you know that sleep helps your immune system? Yep! Your body works to restore your body when you rest. Think about it, it makes so much sense right? All day long it has so many things to do to keep you functioning that when you finally sleep and rest it can take care of itself. So sleeping, and taking care of yourself, is truly letting your body take care of itself!

Sleep also regulates Leptin and Ghrelin which are the two hormones that regulate hunger and satiety. Cassie spoke about a common phenomenon that gave me a chuckle as I used to see it all the time when I worked nights. I call it the bar closing munchies. The longer you are awake the hungrier you get, and the less satisfied you are. Have you driven past a McDonalds at about 2:30 in the morning? Have you ever seen the line that extends around the building? Is everyone on the planet SO HUNGRY they can’t go home and make something, and they are never small orders… it is always several burgers, multiple orders of fries, junk garbage and crap. (no offence) You eat the food you would normally eat, plus extra, because you just aren’t satisfied. That’s the leptin and ghrelin being disrupted by being tired!
This is why I believe TacoBell has cornered the market on the “Fourth Meal” Cheap carb laden food that will carb bomb you into sleep. If you believe that it is the tryptophan in the turkey at thanksgiving dinner that makes you pass out, you would be mistaken. It is the stuffing, the potatoes, the rolls, the starchy corn, the ticking time bomb of carbohydrates sending your body into shock, nap needing mode. That “fourth meal” at TacoBell will do the same thing, fill your stomach up enough to make you “full” send you crashing out to sleep just long enough to wake up in the morning wondering why you did that to yourself.
I know when I am up late I find myself starting to get hungry, I look at the clock, often times it truly has been 8 hours or so since I last ate and my body might actually be telling me it is in need of something as time has slipped away from me. Other times, I have been consistent, had enough to sustain me and I can tell myself it is time for bed and I don’t need anything else. It is okay to be hungry.
Sleep helps the brain, it helps the body. Adults should be getting 7-9 hours of sleep a night, how much do you get? I have a bedtime… yes a 30-something adult with a bedtime. It sounds superlame right? My phone goes into Do Not Disturb mode at 1700 (5pm) meaning you can’t reach me by phone unless it’s an emergency. This is the time I get into bed. Yes it seems excessive, but I am one of those, I need a drink of water, oh I have to pee again people.
I get somewhere around 8-9 hours of sleep a night. I need it, my job is high-stress and super demanding on my brain. I can tell when I am not getting enough sleep because it starts to effect my work. I occasionally slack on getting my sleep and I pay for it for the next day or two. It’s usually the second day that is the kicker.
Being consistent with my sleep is the key. I vary a bit with my sleep on the weekends, staying up a bit later on Friday, but still getting 8-9 hours. It is just something I find valuable to me.
How about you? Is the only time you get the proper amount of sleep when you are sick? Do you think this might be an issue? Do you have a bedtime?

Slow and Steady 28 Days.

28 Days Later… sounds like a story of rehab, or an addict right?  4 weeks have passed since I started on Nutrisystem.  I am still alive, I have not quit.  I have not found it particularly difficult to stay on plan.

While I do miss the endless hours I used to have cooking, prepping, basically having a huge romantic relationship with my food, this is good therapy for me.  I still have to do some work in the kitchen.  I add food to my meals, you need to.  I am still pressed for time and do things like add yogurt or a hardboiled egg as my protein most of the time but when it comes to adding veggies, I get to show my love for myself with them.  I get to chop and saute, steam and prep them as I would have before.  I don’t just slop things on a plate, or pop them in the microwave.  After all this is still about more than just food right?  This is about a lifelong relationship with food and how it effects everything in life.

I am working to become more aware of all things related to what is going on.  What triggers me to want to eat, is it emotional, physical, is it the taste of something, a smell, is it just the sight of something that I can’t handle?  Hedonic hunger was something that spoke about at weight watchers, meaning it isn’t about will power, and I believe very strongly that this is true. Chemically there is too much going on in bodies for us to be able to deny something our hormones chemically are telling us to want.

So how has it been going otherwise? Pretty well, I am back on antibiotics, for another sinus infection, which i suspect is actually bronchitis :/ I have a CT scheduled for the 19th followed immediately by a consult with the ENT specialist that I have been seeing. So I am currently on activity restrictions which makes me anxious. I had just gotten back into a routine/rhythm that was working for me at the gym. It feels like every time I get into a patterns the rug gets pulled out from under me. I won’t let it stop me, I finish the meds next Saturday, which means Sunday morning I am coming for you Gym! YOU HEAR THAT!!!! I don’t however know how my body is going to handle all the antibiotics, steroids, and cough meds currently being thrown at it.

I weigh in once a week, Tuesday nights, in my kitchen. I thought about making it some morning, before I ate, before I did anything the problem is that if I weigh in up, and I can’t get my head out of that crud it was a bad week spot then my whole day would be shite! I don’t need that.

According to my calculations I lost 11.5 pounds from my Aug 12th weigh in to my Sept 3rd weigh in. I received my new box of food in the mail this week, first part on Wednesday, second box (frozen on dry ice) on Thursday and in the box on Wednesday was something called a Nutribear!

Nutribear 10 pound Loss

Nutribear 10 pounds!

10 Pound

Number 10

I love that there are cute rewards for having lost weight with the system. It makes it feel a little less alone, and a little more like a community. He is about the size of any beanie baby. I am not sure what I am going to do with him yet, right now he is sitting next to my bed.
I never made it through any of Weight Watchers things long enough to get any real bling. I got the 16 week stay an succeed hands, I got that danged 5% reward sticker a few times… up down up down…. it just wasn’t the right program for me. I did a 5k but never got the bling. It isn’t really about the rewards, but it is nice to have something saying hey good job right? Maybe? …

So uhm, I went to another PriorFatGirl #OBOS meeting this weekend. I am sure you are wondering why I bothered if I am on Nutrisystem right? Well we all know I won’t be eating out of a box forever. I had a great time hearing about #PFC Protein Fat and Carbs. It is basically how I ate before I took my fulltime job, which is awesome! Cassie talked about how EATING FAT WILL NOT MAKE YOU FAT!!! Something I have known for ages. She encouraged the attendees to eat real food, like butter, cream, cheese, whole veggies and fruits, meat, eggs, and nuts. Eating a combination of protein fats and carbohydrates at each meal keeps your blood glucose levels stable. It was pretty much a flashback to the early 90’s for me actually when I was learning about how to help manage my brothers diabetes (not type2) in getting him through the night with a stable balanced sugar level by putting enough fat with the carbs to keep things from spiking too fast and how the body breaks down protein slower and it helps regulate sugar levels.
It made me want to go back to school for nutrition… alas time and money are always factors. 😦 It was so great to see familiar faces, and new ones too. I was pleased to have gotten to stay for the full event this time. I poked my head in on the last one, which happened to be on the wedding day of a dear friend, when I had many many tasks on my plate. It was just not good timing.
It served once again as a good reminder that it takes time to get to where we all want to be. It is important to remember nothing is forever, and we all need to do what we need to do when we need to do it and with what we have.

A new week is about to start and I am doing what I can. Prepping what I can in advance, making the best choices for myself and reminding myself everyday that I am worth more than I think I am. It isn’t about Ego, it is about appreciation of self.

Sharing Circle

So in going to my meetings at Weight Watchers I have been forcing myself to talk, or rather, perhaps a better way to phrase it is that I have found myself opening up to the groups I have been with.  Offering suggestions tips and tricks of what has helped me along the way so far.  In my mind I can feel the members that have been there a while rolling their eyes at me, because I am new to their program, but I have been at this a while and have seen measurable success on my own.

I have been going, on average to two meetings a week.  The leader I didn’t care for at first has grown on me, I think it was more the people at that first meeting I didn’t click with, and I think that had more to do with the weather, and the bad parking that weekend in the are around the location, and the fact that I was kind-of ignored and dismissed while I sat there.

I guess one of the things I am really enjoying about the program is actually the meetings.  I like going, and interacting with other people that are trying to do the same thing I am.  It isn’t that I feel alone, or lonely in the battle to get this weight off, I have concluded that there are very few people in the world that have never struggled with weight in one way or another, I just like hearing what others have to say.  I like that it gives me a feeling of community, it sparks my thought process for things like lunches and dinners, even if I don’t take the ideas and use them that week, I know they are planting seeds in the back of my mind for the future.  I also hope that what I have to share, in insight or past stumbling blocks for myself can help someone else there.  For example we were talking about tracking food last week, and how a “3 month tracker” which is a paper tracker shouldn’t last more than 3 months.  I use an electronic tracker now.  When I first started I used paper.  I liked paper, it was safe, I could erase things, I could reward myself on the paper with stickers if I was under my caloric goal for the day.  I had a whole system that I used, and it worked for me.  Eventually I went electronic because it was faster, and easier… and easier meant I could be lazier! Eventually I stopped tracking and I was one of those people who could have made that 3 month tracker last a year! I am bring very diligent and deliberate now with my tracking, and I know if one isn’t working I need to switch to the other.  I offered the hint/tip that I learned from a PriorFatGirl event about recording life events, special occasions, thoughts and feelings in the margins of your tracker.  It helps when you look back to identify patterns and stumbling blocks.  Everyone seemed to really like that idea, so I know that I am offering the group something not just taking.

However I can’t help but feel like I am playing teachers pet when I talk.  I am certainly not trying to be, but I want to be helpful to others where I can be.  So I hush myself, until I know that I have something that is truly helpful and applicable to everyone in the room, or a goodly majority and then I go from there.

Do you go to meetings? Do you talk?  Do you feel like you talk too much? How do you strike a balance with it? I would love to know what you think!

One Breath, For My Roots

The second person to speak at #OBOS was Philly D, who I had never met before, mostly because my schedule has never allowed me Friday nights to go hang out with all the cool kids at hot yoga.  Happily that is changing and I will soon head off to my first Hot Yoga class in the near future!  Anyway, Phil had me in tears for most of his discussion.  He shared some very personal stories about his sister and some volunteer work that he does at a Children’s hospital with cancer patients.  A boy who communicates only by RAWR-ing because he thinks he is actually a dinosaur… because they are strong… I can relate. #rawr.

Do you know what the difference between being and doing is?  So many of us say I want to be BE healthy.  The dictionary defines being as something that exists.  That is something that I did for SO MANY YEARS in my life… I existed.  If you look back on this blog you see me talk about feeling like I was watching life pass me by because it was.  However doing is defined as action, performance, and execution.  I don’t know about you all but I sure want to be doing not being.

Remember the human doing project at Mall of America last year… they had him DOING… so think about that… to be healthy you have to DO.  There is a local health insurance company here that has a DO campaign and they truly have hit the nail on the head.  To be healthy you have to DO.

I am sure you are sitting there going so what Kris… we all know we have to workout, so Phil said go do Yoga right?  He owns a studio this is what he wants you to do right?  No.  It is hard to explain exactly what he was talking about in general or specific terms if you have never had that moment that wakes you up from that dark place, so forgive the bulleted nature of this.  I am going to try to not weep as I think about how much impact his words had on my heart.

Phil’s wish for each of us is that we can learn to be more awake in our lives, that we can me more aware of what is in front and around us.  In order to Rise Up and meet life, you must first wake up to your surroundings.  You must tune into yourself, make deliberate choices about your breathing, and movements, feel your body, feel your breath.

As you move through this life and become more aware of things you will know when something feels wrong, and when something feels wrong you will learn that you need to step up and stand up for others.  As you rise up you will see things that are unfair and unjust and you cannot ignore them.  They will not change unless someone speaks up.

As you rise up you must reach out and down to others, this is part of why Jen (@PriorFatGirl) shares her story, and a very big part of why I am so open and honest on my blog about my struggles.  When you reach out to others you let them know that there is hope, help and strength.

Be what you love in life, and use what you love to make a difference because it isn’t actually the length of your life that makes the biggest impact it is the width.  The more people you reach, and they in turn reach creates waves and ripples that will effect more people than you ever intended.

He also spoke about how important it is to be aware of your word choices, which was also something Mary spoke about.  The words you choose to define yourself, your life your goals and the things in your mind can really set yourself up for success or for failure.  Do you remember my Can’ts Won’ts and Don’ts post? Go back and read it… I felt like they both took a page right from my blog and were telling me to go back and read my words… Kris make sure you are picking your words correctly.

After hearing both Mary and Phil speak about how can’t and and won’t and don’t are so often confused I really felt like I had a grasp on something strong.  I know when I first had that moment of clarity about those three words back in August it really was something amazing.  It really becomes a more about DOING what you have to do and less about what you want.  I can’t cook healthy meals for my family is actually I don’t because my family won’t eat them.  Well guess what you CAN because you make those decisions.  I can’t workout because I don’t have time is really I don’t workout because I would rather watch tv, and I won’t give up that addiction to finding out what happens on that next episode of Lost (okay, I am out of touch but so what!) You get it right?

Who has control of your life?  Do you have control?  Who did you give the control to?  Are you ready to take it back?  Only you can!

One Breath, Because It’s Hard!

Let’s be honest, my head is still swimming, or moreover my heart is still in overwhelm from Saturday.  The #OBOS events always hit me right in the chest.  I think it is because I let myself be vulnerable, because it is a necessary part of getting to the root of why I became 400+ pounds.  I think it is also crucial to helping others along the way.  So that being said, once again the topics covered hit right a bit too close to home, which of course were just what I needed.

Jen started out the morning having us close our eyes and raise our hands if we had felt recently that our journey was overwhelming or hard etc.  With my eyes closed, (but wanting to peek to know for sure) she assure us that we all had our hands raised.  I always secretly don’t want to raise my hand just to be “That Asshole”.  The point of the exercise isn’t about raising your hand anyway, it is about knowing that we are all there together, and I get that.  We all struggle, whether it is with motivation, or finding time to *whatever*.

Mary took over the conference just after that, and the topic she first brought up was, “Is being healthy hard?” Well, yeah! Duh! If it was easy there wouldn’t be the multi billion dollar pharmaceutical industry that exists, and the search for the magic-cure-all pill wouldn’t be happening.

This made me think about how we define healthy though.  Is healthy, the right weight, is it being fit, is it being off medications, is it fitting nicely in a box, or a certain definition?  It isn’t the same for everyone.  So it becomes very important for you to define your health your own way, and plan your goals and strategies the right way.

Mary started speaking about how sometimes our ideas and situations change, and that sometime the changes we make that are intended to be lasting changes aren’t always lasting changes.  For example, I joined the YWCA, it was awesome when I started out.  Since my new job started however it is not as convenient for me to work out there.  The hours are less convenient and I started using that as an excuse.  So my change to working out several days a week was no longer a part of my life.  This change didn’t last. Do I view this as a failure?  No Way!  This is a setback.

See, life is fluid, this is why all those checklists in magazines and 10-step’s to the perfect life type things don’t work out for any kind of long-term success.  You have to be prepared to be flexible and change your plans as life throws you a curveball.

Mary touched on a lot of things that I have come to on my own, but I have this problem… see I, like many of you I imagine, have these amazing moments of clarity and then they just pass, and I forget, or think perhaps they aren’t as great as I think they are.

Some examples of this are, Keeping an eye on “Your Bottom” line.  This is mostly about maintaining weight, but also pertains to when you are stuck in a plateau.  If you get comfortable in a place you become complacent.  Think oh it’s okay I am staying within these 2-lbs so it isn’t a big deal.  My lifestyle is changing and I am not.

I JUST went through this, I started my new job, and I wasn’t going to the gym because I was just plain exhausted, but I was eating the same.  The scale creeps around, and before you know it things are headed in a bad direction FAST.  You always need to be pushing the envelope, not necessarily to lose weight, but keep your eyes on the prize at all times.

Remember setbacks are going to happen, this is a part of life! They happen to everyone! Everyone falls, get back up, keep moving forward. You need to be prepared for this.  Remember everything takes practice which means that everything that you are doing is practice! So be prepared with a backup plan, know what tools you like, and what tools in your arsenal work best for you and use them.  Also be on the lookout for new things to try.

Did you read that…

Everyone falls, get back up. Keep moving forward. Falling is not failure. Failure is giving up, not getting up.

These words are a gift to you.  Let them sink in.  You need to remember them.

Another important thing to remember is that it is important when trying to do anything, whether it is lose weight or run a marathon, that you have to be doing it for the right reasons.  The right reason for me isn’t the right reason for you, and if you aren’t doing it for the right reasons you aren’t going to find lasting success.  That class reunion that you want to look awesome for, what happens when you go, and no one cares that you lost all that weight from when you were 15?  What happens after you break up with that girlfriend that had been making you go to the gym or train for that 5k?  Was the reason that you wanted whatever it was yours or theirs?  You can’t do it for someone else, you can only do it for yourself.  Looking back on my life, I WISH someone could have stopped me before I got to the point in my life where I knew I was going to die.

There were so many dark days in my life where I was so miserable, depressed, in so much pain, and I thought I was at rock bottom, and I just kept going down.  There are also so many people in my life who I see, and I want to push to rock bottom so that I can help build them back up, and make them want to save their own lives.  Sadly all I can do is offer a hand up when the time is right and hope that I can inspire them by doing what I need to and want to for my own reasons.  I got a taste of what I like to call the good life and I know what I want now.

Nike says “there is no finish line.” Which I totally agree with.  When it comes to things like living a healthy active life there will ALWAYS be something to do, try or achieve, however this brings up a great point… when there is no finish something is not a race which means it is perfectly acceptable to go at your own pace!  While at times I feel as thought I am sprinting towards my own goals, there are other times where I feel as thought I am sitting still on the track and lately I feel as thought I have turned around and am headed in the wrong direction altogether I need to be reminded that this isn’t a race.  The path I am on may have a loop or two but if I keep moving forward I will make progress.  Baby steps are still steps, I just need to keep making them.

One super alarming statistic that I heard during the event was that if you do not act on a new idea or concept within 48 hours there is a 50% chance that you will NEVER act on it.  This wasn’t surprising, as much as alarming… and I suppose it is very true.  This is why it was SO IMPORTANT that I act on switching my gym before I just decide to keep sitting around of going and using the hours as an excuse to not go!  When I first joined the gym in 2009 it was also an ACT NOW moment.  I drove past, and thought… I should probably check that out sometime… pulled a U-turn and headed back.  Enough waiting… if life has tought me nothing more it is that time is precious and it shouldn’t be wasted.  If you want something you MUST go after it… and don’t wait!

There was a bit of talk about setting goals, and knowing what goals actually are.  I personally really like the idea of setting up “S.M.A.R.T.” Goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely)  and I think that is what Mary was trying to get at in her discussion about pushing for deeper goals that allow you to form strategies with them. For example, I want to be healthy is an extremely vague goal.  However I want to get off of my blood pressure medicine by losing 15 pounds is a much more specific measurable goal.  With those things you can then formulate a plan of attack with diet and exercise.  Make lists of a few things to try, keep trying, and you will make progress on these goals and before you know it your goals become a reality!

Sometimes you have to learn to accept that your lifestyle isn’t going to match what your goals are, and something has to change.  Each situation you are in presents an opportunity for you to learn something.  You always have the opportunity to take something away from a situation, and it is your job to figure out what you are going to take away from it.  Sometimes it is very easy to spot what you are taking away from an interaction or situation.  Every interaction with a person or people can teardown or create a new level to your relationship, so be sure that you are doing all you can be, be present in that moment to foster what you want from that relationship, and this includes the relationship you have with yourself.  Don’t treat yourself poorly!

You need to acknowledge your feeling, learn to see them, feel them and lost of all how important it is to accept them.  It is perfectly okay and acceptable to feel sadness, or frustration, even regret is an acceptable emotion, everything you feel is okay as long as you let yourself feel it!  You know what is not okay?  Letting yourself eat these feelings,

One Breath, One Post

So for most of my long time readers you know how my life has been since, well since I moved here.  I worked some crazy hours.  Not that my hours now would, could or should be described as normal, but they are more normal than they were.  I have weekends off, and I sleep during the nighttime hours… mostly.

Saturday outings were almost always things that I missed, opportunities that I wanted to take, and would often pass on, with one exception.  When I saw a random tweet from @PriorFatGirl I knew destiny had taken a hand in my life.  I started following her blog, and twitter, reading back, learning.  Last year I asked to have someone cover my Saturday shift for a few hours and would pull an amazingly long few days (2pm Friday until 4am Sunday) to have the opportunity to meet some amazing people.  Happily I got some sleep during that time and slept after only being up for 30-some-odd hours.  That is neither here nor there.  That was one of the first ventures into meeting people from the blog community here in Minneapolis.

It has been an amazing life changer.  Shortly after that conference/get together/whatever is when I started blogging again publicly thanks to Jen.  There have been several One Step One Breath get togethers since that one, some formal, some just coffee and chat sessions, and I have not missed a single one.  I rearranged my schedule to make them possible, never sleeping before them due to my work schedule.  Well things have changes now and yesterday I had the opportunity to go to one without the added stress of thinking about the people who had to take over work for me.

I am so grateful for the people who I get to see at these events.  My brief encounters with my old friends, and chance encounters with new people are just so enriching to my life.  I foster so many friendships in such a short time I am so thankful to Jen for reaching out to all of us and giving us a safe space in which to share our struggles and feelings.

So really… I know why you are all here… You want to know what was covered right? You know Jen was there, after all it was her event, and Mary, from over at Fit This, Girl! was also there to speak.  Elle She has an amazing story to tell as well.  We also got to meet Philly D! Who is a yogi, and owner of the Moksha Yoga Studio that is the ever popular Friday night hang out for so many of my friends! The rest of the speakers were US! Believe it or not I count everyone that attends these events as a speaker! From Ann who spoke a bit about how to dress for outdoor running to Liz who was talking about some Weight Watchers things.
What you take away from these events is more than the two pages of notes that I have scribbled down (which I will get to don’t worry!). You take away emotion, you take away a little less, “Aloneliness” knowing that you were in a room where every single other person there has at some point crossed or will cross a similar struggle that you have.
So if you shared your story, or took part in listening to mine yesterday thank you.  We are all learning and growing together, and I hope that you took something away from the event that is exactly what you were looking for.

So what did I take away from the event… Stay Tuned! 🙂

What’s the worst that could happen?

Do you ever put things off?  It can be anything from mowing the lawn to going to the dentist.  Things you know have to be done, but you just can’t seem to find the motivation to do them?  Things you can’t be bothered with like cleaning the windows of your house, because seriously why does that even matter?! How about that sink full of dishes or that load of laundry.  We live in the land of I will do it tomorrow, or I will get to it next time.

How many of us are guilty of saying, I will start my diet tomorrow, next weekend, after I get through this stressful situation at work, after the new year the list goes on and on.  Each excuse adds a page to the book that becomes your life.  Another page you have to look back on and savor that missed opportunity!

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Saturday I had the most incredible day, I met so many like-minded individuals at the #PFGMeetup at the Beat Coffeehouse in Minneapolis.  We sat down, in a circle and it was almost like an AA/NA/OA/etc meeting, but way better, super high-test YUMMY coffee (or water, or hot chocolate, or chai).  I am hoping as these meetings become more regular that more people will come and take a leap of faith on their weight loss and healthiness journeys and stop the procrastination cycle.

I certainly hope that so many of the women who opened up about themselves during the meeting know that I will carry a piece of them forward with me on my journey.  I am always learning from others, growing and changing.  I hope that someone took something away from the things I shared as well.  Like I said there are things that I don’t put on the blog, but that I will still talk about.  It is the nature of life.

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I am hoping that these new #PFGMeetups will start happening more often.  There is another one scheduled for November 12, at 10am again at The Beat Coffeehouse in Uptown.  Everyone is welcome no matter where you are on your journey.  Men and women alike should come along!

So what have I been putting off that I am tackling?  Well, I got rid of another bag of clothes that were much too big for me.  I wasn’t hanging on to them because I was afraid I was going to need them again… I had plans to get them up on the Great Clothing Exchange website… yeah… I don’t have time to take photos of all that stuff… and the last things I put up there never moved… and it was something I got from there… so into the bin all that stuff went.  It felt good to stop putting that off.

I would like to acknowledge I am lust as guilty for not seeking out help t lose weight earlier than I did as the doctors I had at the time were for not listening to all the other things that were going on.  It takes a team to make things work right.  I waited so long that I was literally in a position that I had to fight for my life.  If I can stop one person from getting to the point where they feel like they are going to die inside of their body, then I know I have done well for myself.

I was told more than once during Saturdays amazingness that I was an inspiration, to which I never hesitated to say thank you.  I genuinely feel gratitude that someone can find something meaningful or inspiring in what I have done.  I find it hard to believe that what I have done is anything special a lot of the time.  I feel a lot of anger that it took so long to get into a mindset where I could say, I will give it my all, if you are willing to help me.

So what is the worst thing that can happen if you put things off… well if you put things off for too long you can face things like increased risk for cancer and diabetes, heart attacks and stroke.  Monday I face a cardiologist and I fear he is going to tell me that being morbidly obese damaged my heart so bad that there is nothing I can do about it.  I waited too long.  Then again, maybe it will be nothing.  What happens when you have a windshield with a crack in it.  It is fine for a while, you ignore it and it spreads a tiny bit, then eventually it streaks across the whole darn thing!

Now let’s think for just a moment, what is the worst that can happen if we keep making those good decisions?  If we keep applying ourselves, making plans seeing them through, using our support systems and giving it our all?  Yes there is a chance that we are going to stumble.  Yes it is very likely that there are going to be things that we don’t want to do.  Whether it is eating veggies, or working out, but DO THEM!  The worst things that happens is you get a little sore, or you don’t like your food.  So what, if you get a little bit more time with your family or some time to do things you like isn’t that worth it?

Just something to think about on this Sunday as I finally go to bed… 42+ hours awake leaves me feeling… well… incoherant… sorry if this post lacked flow!