Unstable Footing

So yesterday my contract ended at work. It ended early, but it wasn’t due to anything other than there being no more work. The writing was on the wall in the last week or two, as tasks wrapped up and nothing new was available to work on. It still stings to pack up your desk and have to start the job search again, however I am doing my best to stay positive.
I sent a HELP ME text out to my friend Liz when I got the news, as well as a few other friends to help me numb the blow. I was reaching for support, I reached out to my network, and I was so thankful that despite my newfound unstable footing I had people to turn to that could reassure me I will again land on my feet.
I know I will land on my feet, I always do. I have started and restarted my life before. I jumped into this last job knowing that it was a contract and it would end, but I wasn’t sure when. Robb is very concerned with our upcoming wedding that our lives are about to fall apart. Bills are about to come in for things like the caterer, and a few other things, but I know we will be okay.
I have been a on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for the last, well 24-hours now. I think it’s okay to feel the feelings. I did go off the rails a little bit last night, and didn’t track my food. Dinner included a cupcake and a big bowl of rice. No protein, no veggies, all carbs and crap. I didn’t care I just wanted the sugar rush. I acknowledged what I was doing, while I was doing it.
I am allowing myself to feel the feelings, grieve the loss of the job, but I am also already pounding the pavement for a new position. I am not completely sure what I want to do with my life. I have the information for a career counselor and I have a book on hold that was suggested to me about figuring out what I want to do. I KNOW I am going to be okay, that Robb and I will be okay. Jobs come and go and that I have the talent and the drive to succeed.
I know however that life is unstable right now. I feel fear, and hope for the future. I very much know that with one door closing others are opening I just need to look for the light. I keep looking for the light and I plan to do so.

Saying Thanks

So I spoke up in my Weight Watchers meeting today. I do that a lot. My meeting is full of amazing people. You wouldn’t think at 0700 on a Saturday morning people would be so lively but truly the meeting is awesome! The thing about the first meeting of the day on a Saturday is the people who are at the meeting… really want to be there and are truly motivated to, well… get shit done. I am a front row sitter. Studies show people who sit in the front row lose more weight… that isn’t why I sit in the front row… I just like it better there, and I didn’t know about the statistic when I started sitting in the front row. I am always so thankful for all the information all the members have, and I like giving back to my meetings when I feel like I have something valuable to share.
Today we were talking about “BLT’s” bites licks and tastes, but more specifically being accountable for them. I felt the need to bring the group off on a momentary tangent on accountability. Specifically not taking your team for granted. I had gotten myself into a routine with my new job of going to the gym 3 times a week. I had been eating well, and then… they closed our pool for cleaning. This shouldn’t be a big deal they do it every year, and the nice part a about being a YMCA member is I have other locations I can go to.
Instead of going to another location I started just walking as my workout. While it was an okay thing, when the pool opened back up I didn’t head back immediately. It took a nudge, a strong nudge from my support team to get me to get back into my routine.
Once I got back to the gym, after one strong push, Robb said he had hoped that I wasn’t upset that he said I needed to get back to the gym and that he was only doing what I had asked him to do. It was in that moment that I realized how very crucial it is that we thank our support teams when they step up for us. When we ask for help we do so for our benefit. It’s easy to forget that it can be very difficult for those close to us to step into the “danger zone” and mention things that may be deemed sensitive subjects.
For me things like portion control or going to workout when mentioned by people I haven’t explicitly asked to help keep me accountable might be enough to turn me into a raging bitch! It would make me feel vulnerable and violated. When approached by someone I have deemed safe and supportive it puts things in a different light.
I wanted to remind others to thank their support people and not take them for granted. It can be difficult for people to speak up even when we ask them to do so. Just keep this in mind as you move along. If your support person/persons are mentioning things to you, make sure you are thanking them, because speaking up is hard!