Charles Barkley, Hippos, & Unicorns.

I was all prepared to come home tonight and write a post about Charles Barkley, I don’t want to dwell on his actions anymore but I do want to say a few things… As I sat in my car today I felt such sadness for Charles. Sadness that he must feel such disgust or hate towards himself for his struggles with his weight. Feelings perhaps that he doesn’t even know he has but seem evident to me after he slammed the women of San Antonio Texas for their size.
Obviously you all know I struggle with my weight, and anyone that has followed Mr. Barkley’s career knows he has had some weight issues too. He was, I am unsure if he still is, a spokes person for Weight Watchers. I think his comments were said out of a place of pain in his own life. I think the fact that he refuses to take them back, or apologize for them is fine, it’s his decision. However to me it shows that he is truly someone with a lot of pain deep inside, and he truly is not happy with the person that he is.

All that being said… I am moving on. I really wasn’t going to end up posting at all tonight when Robb said something that he has said before that just really resonated with me for some reason. … You know in that way that repetition makes you hear things only once you are ready to hear them. Or how you can hear the same thing 99 times and you only actually hear it on the 100th time. (which i am told is part of why Weight Watchers revisits topics in meetings to make it stick)

Robb said “Rhinoceroses give Unicorns an unrealistic expectation of strength.” Now, you probably think this is some weird thing but stay with me on this. One of the things that I say probably once a month around the house is that Rhinos give Unicorns an unrealistic expectation beauty. Tonight when Robb phrased it the other way and made it about strength he changed the power structure. He changed the focus.

In changing the focus he found a way to take charge, and reframe the focus. I guess it serves as almost a wake up call for me. Keep looking at things from every angle. Continue to be curious… and even when you have case of the Mondays… surprises lurk around the corner….

Weekend Struggle

What is it about the weekend that just seems to make it so damn easy to stop doing what you know works so well for yourself?  For me I find that it is so easy for me to skip drinking the proper amount of water that needs to be consumed.  I will drink my coffee, and grab a coke zero or a diet root beer when I feel “the thirst” finally hit me.  I am not being proactive about my healthy habits.

My Plant nanny nags me, give me a drink and get one for yourself.  I look at my water bottle and think, It’ll be okay I drink enough.  I have my activity level set as sedentary because realistically I can’t keep up with over 200 ounces of water a day which is what it recommends for my body weight.

I want to be healthy, I want to live balanced.  I don’t however want to spend my entire day in the bathroom.  Saturdays and Sundays are in my mind supposed to be spent relaxing.  The darkness of a movie theater is the best place to be on a hot day.  Sipping on a cold soda shoveling handfuls of salty buttery hot fresh popcorn into your houth in the dark is how I wish I could spend every spare moment of my life.  It can be animated, horror, action the genre matters not, I love the feeling of it… despite people on their cell phones… and I will get up and tell you to get off your phone.  I have been the person to have people ejected from a theater, I have also been the person to tell my own friends to put their phones away.  (I know buzzkill)  This isn’t about movies though.  This is about choices.

Monday morning I didn’t attend my normal Aquatic Bootcamp at work because it was a holiday for me.  Opening Day is a bit of a big deal where I work now and we had the day off to watch the game.  I woke up, got myself a good breakfast at home, and made my way to one of the gyms closer to my home.  There was a shallow water aerobics class I was going to take.  It was, unchallenging.  I pushed myself as much as I could but I felt that the workout was just not sufficient.  While this was a victory of sorts, showing me that I am not as bad off physically as I have built myself to be in my mind, this was supposed to be my activity for the day.

Wednesday morning I arrived to my normal Aquatic Bootcamp class to find that the instructor wasn’t going to be there.  She was sick.  I was faced with a choice, stay and workout or go to work early/get coffee etc.  I stayed.  Others played waterball/volleyball in the pool, I grabbed the water barbells and worked it out.  I did my best to get a workout that felt comparable to what I was missing. However when I honestly look at it I felt a little defeated having not been “worked out” by an instructor.

Friday we had another “weather event” straight out of hell. If hell were made of ice and snow.  I set my alarm early, 5:30, and I still didn’t make it to class at 07:00.  It was 07:30 by the time I made it to the area where I work.  It was a very tough commute.  I felt defeated that I didn’t make it to the gym three times.  I did however keep my water and food on track.

Friday night I went out to dinner with Robb to celebrate his birthday a little early.  We had steaks, and I chose a sweet potato and veggies over some of the naughtier things on the menu.  I ate all of my allotted food yesterday.  I drank all the waters.

As I was in bed last night I found myself looking at all the possible pool workouts for the weekend.  Pickings are slim for sure.  Lots of kids in swim lessons on weekend mornings. I suppose it makes sense, but it is disheartening.  Then there was a glimmer of hope.  A location not too far away, 08:15 Aqua Zumba.

Visions of the fun from Fitbloggin danced in my head as I drifted off to sleep thinking about Zumba, and the ease on the joints the water provided.  At 08:00 this morning my keycard was scanned in at the gym.  I owed it to myself.  I missed a workout.  This wasn’t a makeup workout, this is the beginning of a new relationship with my body.  I am working so hard on ending the cycle of self hate that exists in myself.  Working to end the train that you’re not good enough parade that goes through my head.

I am choosing to focus on one thing at a time that I can change within a day.  I won’t be the same thing each day, and may not be the whole thing each day.  Right now I know that I struggle to drink enough water when I am doing “other” things.  That has to stop.  Water before coffee on weekends will be mandatory.  Slowly I am learning how to take care of myself, by listening.  Are you listening to your body? Is there something you are doing during the week that you aren’t doing on the weekend that might be leading to self sabotage?

 

 

Beating the House

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Have you watched House of Cards? House of Cards isn’t about playing cards or anything like that. It’s political drama. I was sucked into the first season, riveted by the first episode of the second season… But it’s sitting unfinished on Netflix… Someday I may go back to it. So what does this have to do with beating the house, or better yet a healthy living blog? Well the quote above resonated with me in recent weeks.
If you don’t like how something is change it. If you don’t like the way you feel, do something about it. If you want to be healthy and lose weight, stop hitting the drive thru and ordering the large cheese fries with extra everything. If what you are doing isn’t working, try something else.
It is scary to turn your life on it’s head. I can’t even put into words how scared I was to change jobs. To give up something safe, something I knew and was I’ll say it was phenomenal at, to try something I might fail at is scary. There are almost no guarantees in life (we are guaranteed death and that’s about it right)
I have turned my life on it’s head in the last 19 days. I am now in a new job, with new hours. I am working out three days a week again. I am eating whole foods, unprocessed, real foods. I am still getting my 7-9 hours of sleep a night based on how my body feels. I have returned to trivia.
My word for 2014 was honor. As we are approaching the four month mark of this year, 1/3 of the way through the year I am examining how I am doing at honoring myself. I would ask you all to weigh in on this, but honestly we all know that isn’t the point. Do I think I am truly honoring myself? Hell yes! Was I honoring myself in January as I tried my best, kind of. In February as I struggled but made it to the gym occasionally, maybe. What was March about… In March I beat the house. I took the table, flipped it over, spun it around and made life my bitch as it were.
I am finding my footing, with both feet right now and I couldn’t be happier about it. The people that see me continue to see the change in me. People that don’t see me ask how I am enjoying my new job and I tell them my life is like night and day. Truly I feel so blessed by the opportunities that have been presented to me.
So I keep pressing on, feeling better each day. Looking forward to seeing just what I can do next to amaze myself keeping in the back of my mins that honor word and the goals that I have set for myself.

From Scratch, Creating a New Life.

Creating a new life, from scratch… no I’m not pregnant, although if you check out my instagram, facebook or twitter feed you will see comments about how I look like I am glowing or radiant. However this past week it’s like I am finding a whole new world, or as I prefer to think of it I am creating my own. As of Friday afternoon as I packed up my stuff, took a look out my window, and shook my head as if it were all but a dream, I knew my life had been changed. I completed my second week on the job at my new place of employment. It has truly been awesome. Yeah okay, awesome is one of those words that gets overused, so we end up having to make up words for when something truly amazing really happens, but truly the changes that I have experienced in the last two weeks have been astounding.
It was my second full week in my new job. For some reason in my mind I kept thinking it was my first week. I had worked a full week the week before, working two jobs was crazy. I don’t know how anyone can do it, I was exhausted mentally. I guess that in my mind having still been tied to my old employer being at my new job just didn’t feel like it was my new job. It does now, I am slowly settling in, I put a photo on my desk, I have a comfy chair, and some of my things in the drawers. It is all becoming routine.
Pieces of my life are not so much falling into place, as being strategically and surgically inserted. As I mentioned on the blog in a previous post that I started an Aqua Aerobics Boot Camp which I am attending on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings before I go to work. I have missed the water. More than the water, I have missed the classes. I have been in the water on my own, swimming laps, walking in the vortex pool, but I hadn’t found a class that fit my old schedule. This one gets me excited, gets me out of bed.
The second time I was in class, I was more comfortable. It wasn’t that I was uncomfortable in the class, but I hadn’t taken the chance to really say hello to many people before class. At the end of the Monday class, after I had sucked all of my emotions back inside I introduced myself to some of the ladies. Wednesday after class we were all getting ready to leave and it finally dawned on me that two of the women in the class I knew! They looked familiar when we were in the pool, but people look different in bathing suits, then it dawned on me… I had met them previously when I was at weight watchers.
It is a very strange feeling to me that in changing my hours and having only reduced the number of working hours by two each day and adding on a commute that totals just about 30-40 minutes each way I have somehow managed to open up more time in my schedule. Somehow I can now magically easily fit a workout in… and it just works? I know it is just starting out, but it is too simple for me to NOT do it.
Rebuilding my life from scratch in this new daywalker world is weird… Tuesday night I made my return to trivia, which is something I very much enjoy. Since I had taken my old job I had only been able to go one time. That is once in over two years to something that I had done every night for years before that.
I wasn’t sure what to expect when I went back but I was greeted with open arms and a seat at our normal table. People wanted to know where I had been what I was doing now what was going on I had kept in touch with some people but not as well as I had promised or hoped to. I was SO TIRED, I had only planned to stay for a little while. My goal was to stay up until 2100, I made it to the end of the night at just after 2200. More than that I made it to the gym the next morning!
I keep wondering why the people around me keep talking about this transformation they are seeing in me. That I look years younger, and that I seem “better”. I didn’t know how far down the rabbit hole I had gone. Was I really that lost? How did I become so far gone and not realize it? I know stress causes cortisol problems, and there is no doubt that I have some adrenal fatigue issues, but can my body truly be physically responding this quickly?
How fast can my body heal itself getting sleep during the proper hours? How fast can my body start to remember what it was like to be at “peak performance”. I know it is going to be a long road to get back to where I was. I know I lost tone, and strength, and stamina, however the more you give your body the more it wants it. I am trying to get my body back. I am ready to fight… I have been persistent in what I have wanted I keep coming back. I kept changing my style of attack when things didn’t work, but like a dog with a bone I have not given up thus far.
I am excited for the things that are to come, I am excited for the adventure and the promise my life is holding. Just as spring has arrived, I too have arrived, just in time to blossom into a new and promising life.

Treat Day

I think I am blessed in a way. My job isn’t one that has “Treat day”. We don’t usually have a ton of snacks in the office. Around the holidays there are treats, I have been known to supply the office with baked good and snacks on an occasion but overall it isn’t a minefield like I hear some places are.
It is a pizza junkies dream as I have mentioned before. I would say 3 days a week or so there is delivery pizza coming into the office. With me being off gluten and dairy it isn’t even asked of me if I want to go in on a pie. … Even before I started my “No Dairy, No Wheat, No Fun” Mantra as the boys here call it I wasn’t much for ordering in except an occasional Sushi delivery, or Jimmy Johns Unwich. I usually bring my food… I don’t get a lunchbreak during my 10 hour day… so I need food that I can eat cold, I strive for things that can sit around. Hot coffee Cold water? What are those things!
One of my new employees called in today to tell me she would be stopping by the office to drop off some paperwork. I said it wasn’t necessary, to which she said she had a treat and “You should never turn down a treat”. My mind immediately went into self-hate-negative space… which it does, but I am learning to recognize, and I though, never turning down things is how I ended up the size of a house. I didn’t let myself stay in that headspace long and told Patty I would see her soon.
When Patty arrived she placed a gallon size bag of cookies on my desk… My eyes went wide like cookie monster ready to go on a binge! I immediately grabbed the bag said thanks so much! Everyone will really enjoy these, and turned to give them to my supervisor without another thought. I plopped them on his desk, without taking one. She looked upset, and I explained in a playful fun way that the guys here all say I am on the no dairy no gluten no fun diet. I said that I appreciated it but that I just couldn’t eat it.
She understood, no drama, the world didn’t end. I have spent a good bit of time thinking about this whole, treat yourself thing. I do treat myself… I treat myself by eating the foods that nourish my body. I treat myself by buying the foods that I like to eat. I treat myself by enjoying a better cup of coffee… I am sorry buy Folgers just isn’t my cup of choice. I will drink it, but I prefer something better. I am not one to blankly turn down a treat but I am one to be selective of what treats I have these days. A treat doesn’t have to be defined as food, it can be getting a new bottle of nail polish, or a new dress. It can be a trip to a new gym to try out a guest pass, or even making an extra deposit in a savings account for something bigger.
It is all about framing what you want and finding and fighting for what you want out of life. For me those cookies… they aren’t the treats I am looking for right now. Yes the looked so good, and I LOVE the thought that was behind them… but I will let everyone else in the office enjoy them, and rest more soundly knowing that I treated myself by making the choice that respected my body.
I may or may not have treated myself to a can of the new Apple-berry LaCroix fizzy water when I came home from work, and I may have even changed my dinner plans with the crockpot cooked chicken to spicy pb2 chicken and cantaloupe. I feel good about my day. The sun was out, the puddles of slop were abundant for splashing in… and now I will retire to bed… on schedule!
xoxo ❤

Focus

So, 2014 is underway… I look at my blog and I have FOUR blogs that I started, and never got back to… Do I lack focus on my blog? Possibly… more specifically I have been reaching out microblogging with my instagram account (Do you follow me over there? my name is KrisGetsHealthy) 2014 the year of Honor, honoring myself, my choices… making sure I am focusing on what I need to do to set my lifestyle up for those sustainable changes we need to make to have a lifestyle stick.

Since I took my new job back at the end of 2011/beginning of 2012 I have had an increase in my bottom line… meaning my rear end… not cool! My focus has been to try and make my life, that WAS working to get my weight down, work with my new 10 hour days of high stress near non-stop desk work.

I found that looking at the big picture was SO overwhelming, in as much as it wasn’t working. You can’t manage everything at once. There is too much to control! I have taken to breaking it down into more manageable parts and I have been trying to establish each part into it’s own manageable little bubble.

The first thing I worked on was to establish a bedtime routine… in my job I need to be sharp, I need to look at the bigger picture, visualize traffic patterns for the time of day, cross reference with the general layout of the state/city in my mind, estimate recovery times from airports, think critically etc etc etc… Dealing with brain fog from fibromyalgia is bad enough some days, add a lack of sleep and my goodness a lack of sleep spirals my brain into a VERY messy place!

I have a fairly strict bedtime that I keep. I am slightly more flexible on the weekend, but not every weekend… and if I do it one day I try to keep the regular bedtime the next. (for example if I am up Friday night, then Saturday night I don’t usually stay up). I sleep with headphones on, (sleepphones actually) that I can pull down over my eyes and use as a blackout mask. This is not to say that I don’t have insomnia come visit me on occasion… I have melatonin and a few herbal sleep support things I can take. There is this awesome thing called Sleep Water that I drink on occasion that helps too. My sleep routine is, I would say, pretty well established, it is a habit. A healthy living lifestyle habit. People that tell me they get 4 hours or 5 hours a night on a regular basis and can’t figure out why they aren’t feeling well, or can’t do X (whether that is focus, or be on time, or lose weight, or whatever) I just want to grab and shake… sleep is a foundational element.

So now that I have that habit well established I am looking at what are the bigger holes in my life… what are the things that are SO IMPORTANT to health, and wellness and well being, that I just don’t have a handle on. One of the things that happens with my job being so busy is that I forget to drink..not just water, but anything… So many night I would come home from work and find that I had only had a cup of coffee in the morning, and then whatever I was drinking with dinner! How horrible for my body!! I took to taking a 3 liter bottle of water with me to work, and I’d work to drink that during the day. I did pretty good with that, since it was in my line of sight most of the day. Having something visually there means I can’t avoid it, I can’t ignore it. However ambient water gets old… it started cold in the morning but by the end of my 10 hour shift it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for. What is a girl to do… if I don’t see it I wont drink it.

The last few weeks I have been having great success at monitoring my water intake with an app from the iPhone marketplace called Plant Nanny… it lets you set reminders to “water your plant and water yourself.” You set your weight, your activity level and it tells you how much water your body needs. I am set to sedentary since I have a desk job, and since even when I hit the gym it isn’t much activity… it would put me at normal at most. The default reminders you can set are every 2 hours between 8am and 10pm, I have mine set to start at 0400 and run till 0500 reminding me every hour to drink. Even if I don’t go get a drink right away when the little alert pops up it at least puts the idea in my head that I need to be hydrating my body. I need to make drinking a routine that comes as naturally to me as going to bed. I need to focus on hydrating my cells, pushing toxins out of my body, and helping my body learn that perhaps what I felt as hunger is thirst, or a combination of both.

So here I am bringing my #Focus to one thing at a time. I can’t do everything, I am spread so thin at work trying to control everything that I am glad to be finding a balance and being able to pick and choose one healthy goal to focus on here in my everyday healthy life. Finding the focus and determination not to give up. Honoring my body by making sure that I am establishing some kind of healthy routine, and making sure that I am putting it into place. The more you do something the more ingrained it becomes.

Do you track your water or do you find it’s just one more thing to try and keep track of? How much sleep do you get a night? Do you try to get 8 hours? What kinds of healthy living routines do you focus on in your life?

Slow and Steady 28 Days.

28 Days Later… sounds like a story of rehab, or an addict right?  4 weeks have passed since I started on Nutrisystem.  I am still alive, I have not quit.  I have not found it particularly difficult to stay on plan.

While I do miss the endless hours I used to have cooking, prepping, basically having a huge romantic relationship with my food, this is good therapy for me.  I still have to do some work in the kitchen.  I add food to my meals, you need to.  I am still pressed for time and do things like add yogurt or a hardboiled egg as my protein most of the time but when it comes to adding veggies, I get to show my love for myself with them.  I get to chop and saute, steam and prep them as I would have before.  I don’t just slop things on a plate, or pop them in the microwave.  After all this is still about more than just food right?  This is about a lifelong relationship with food and how it effects everything in life.

I am working to become more aware of all things related to what is going on.  What triggers me to want to eat, is it emotional, physical, is it the taste of something, a smell, is it just the sight of something that I can’t handle?  Hedonic hunger was something that spoke about at weight watchers, meaning it isn’t about will power, and I believe very strongly that this is true. Chemically there is too much going on in bodies for us to be able to deny something our hormones chemically are telling us to want.

So how has it been going otherwise? Pretty well, I am back on antibiotics, for another sinus infection, which i suspect is actually bronchitis :/ I have a CT scheduled for the 19th followed immediately by a consult with the ENT specialist that I have been seeing. So I am currently on activity restrictions which makes me anxious. I had just gotten back into a routine/rhythm that was working for me at the gym. It feels like every time I get into a patterns the rug gets pulled out from under me. I won’t let it stop me, I finish the meds next Saturday, which means Sunday morning I am coming for you Gym! YOU HEAR THAT!!!! I don’t however know how my body is going to handle all the antibiotics, steroids, and cough meds currently being thrown at it.

I weigh in once a week, Tuesday nights, in my kitchen. I thought about making it some morning, before I ate, before I did anything the problem is that if I weigh in up, and I can’t get my head out of that crud it was a bad week spot then my whole day would be shite! I don’t need that.

According to my calculations I lost 11.5 pounds from my Aug 12th weigh in to my Sept 3rd weigh in. I received my new box of food in the mail this week, first part on Wednesday, second box (frozen on dry ice) on Thursday and in the box on Wednesday was something called a Nutribear!

Nutribear 10 pound Loss

Nutribear 10 pounds!

10 Pound

Number 10

I love that there are cute rewards for having lost weight with the system. It makes it feel a little less alone, and a little more like a community. He is about the size of any beanie baby. I am not sure what I am going to do with him yet, right now he is sitting next to my bed.
I never made it through any of Weight Watchers things long enough to get any real bling. I got the 16 week stay an succeed hands, I got that danged 5% reward sticker a few times… up down up down…. it just wasn’t the right program for me. I did a 5k but never got the bling. It isn’t really about the rewards, but it is nice to have something saying hey good job right? Maybe? …

So uhm, I went to another PriorFatGirl #OBOS meeting this weekend. I am sure you are wondering why I bothered if I am on Nutrisystem right? Well we all know I won’t be eating out of a box forever. I had a great time hearing about #PFC Protein Fat and Carbs. It is basically how I ate before I took my fulltime job, which is awesome! Cassie talked about how EATING FAT WILL NOT MAKE YOU FAT!!! Something I have known for ages. She encouraged the attendees to eat real food, like butter, cream, cheese, whole veggies and fruits, meat, eggs, and nuts. Eating a combination of protein fats and carbohydrates at each meal keeps your blood glucose levels stable. It was pretty much a flashback to the early 90’s for me actually when I was learning about how to help manage my brothers diabetes (not type2) in getting him through the night with a stable balanced sugar level by putting enough fat with the carbs to keep things from spiking too fast and how the body breaks down protein slower and it helps regulate sugar levels.
It made me want to go back to school for nutrition… alas time and money are always factors. 😦 It was so great to see familiar faces, and new ones too. I was pleased to have gotten to stay for the full event this time. I poked my head in on the last one, which happened to be on the wedding day of a dear friend, when I had many many tasks on my plate. It was just not good timing.
It served once again as a good reminder that it takes time to get to where we all want to be. It is important to remember nothing is forever, and we all need to do what we need to do when we need to do it and with what we have.

A new week is about to start and I am doing what I can. Prepping what I can in advance, making the best choices for myself and reminding myself everyday that I am worth more than I think I am. It isn’t about Ego, it is about appreciation of self.